Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Afraid I acted on a thought

Last night I was with my girlfriend and she just got her nails done and they were a bit long so I was helping her file them down and while I was doing that I had an like an intrusive thought or urge (idk which one came first) to squeeze her finger really hard and it felt like I almost did it or was starting to do it. I didn’t hurt her or squeeze hard but it legitimately felt like I was in the process of doing it and now my anxiety is going crazy because I’m afraid this proves that I’m evil and want to harm people. I was kinda fling the her nails hard and hold her finger still so idk if it was just like adrenaline but I’m afraid I acted on the thought :(

Harm OCD

Astrophsica

Date posted: 2y

You thinking about if you acted on the thought is a checking compulsion. You need to stop checking if you really did press hard on her fingers.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Astrophsica I know it’s a compulsion but how can I not check? I’m pretty sure this proves that I acted on the thought and that my theme could be true

Astrophsica

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous You saying "Pretty sure that proves that I acted on it" is another compulsion. This is how OCD traps you into a rumination loop. You start to look for "evidence" that you are a bad person. What you may need to do is to just accept that yes, you may OR may not have acted on pressing her finger. But that's fine and just carry on with your dah. However a therapist may be able to give you proper advice on how to achieve this :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Astrophsica But if I pressed on her fingers hard that must mean I was acting on the urge and wanting to hurt her or something. I don’t know if I did because I can’t really remember but I’m terrified I did or was starting to or something

Astrophsica

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous If this is an issue affecting your life quite a bit, then I would encourage you to look into getting therapy and specialises in OCD.

Astrophsica

Date posted: 2y

@Astrophsica *that specializes

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

I'm having the same exact feelings about a real event that happened many months ago. Worried I acted on an intrusive thought that convinces me that I sexually assault a woman with my elbow. I kept getting thoughts that said if I don't move out of the way something bad will happen and I guess I tried to do the opposite of my thoughts and the bad thing did happen. I was just zipping up my bag and then it happened. I feel anxiety, guilt, shame, and depression about it

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 You wanna talk?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Sure

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Idk if we can message on this app but do you have like discord or Reddit?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Idk, I'm iffy about it but I want to talk about it. Also depends on age

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I’m 21

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I would say just message on this app but I don’t think we can

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I'm the same age. Why do you think we can't message here?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I guess we can message on this post, I just didn’t know if you wanted it to be private since this post is out in the open

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

Well, all of my concerns are usually on this app so I don't think I mind. I made too many posts about it anyway. Do you suffer from real event?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I guess sorta. I suffer a lot from harm ocd and soocd and right now it’s mainly harm but this situation that I posted about is like a real event that I’m freaking about so if that counts then yes

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I usually ruminate about like sensations in my body and like urges that happen when I have an intrusive thought

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous This sounds like somatic OCD as well as your other themes. If your worries focus on real events that happened in the past then it's real event, like mine.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I’ve had a fear that I did something in the past but I’m not sure if it was real or not so I’d chalk that up to false memory ocd, but I do ruminate sometimes about stuff that’s happened in the past that could prove my theme now is real

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Sounds like both, but now false memory than real event. I have an event that's debilitating to deal with. Can barely get through the day

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 What is it if you don’t mind me asking?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I'm convinced I sexually assaulted a woman with my elbow because as I was zipping up my elbow, I get thoughts telling me I had full intent to do it around the same time she was passing by a tight spot. I've ruminated about this for several months. I mostly think this happened because I thought I could do the opposite of my intrusive thoughts, or that I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that there would be contact because I'm just zipping up my bag. I don't even know why this happened to begin with. I just remember I had rapid thoughts as I was doing zipping up my bag, I didn't say sorry and I wish I did, and I wish this never happened

tayanominous

Date posted: 23w

Did I act on the thoughts?

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

harm ocd during intimacy

18+ i was having intimacy with my lover. i was frustrated and i had a thought like "hurt her physically", i think i Remember not agreeing with it. i didn't hurt my lover they were fine they never felt hurt physically, but im afraid i might have done some action with the intention to hurt them but maybe i wasn't violent enough? idk. i don't remember any action with that intention so that's that. it happened like a couple of hours ago and im afraid i forgot about it. also, i get anxious because sometimes when i have intrusive thoughts i kind of act on it? not as in like doing what the intrusive thoughts tells me, but something similar that is better in a way? like today i had a thought like "grope your lover in public" but instead of doing that i just squeezed their waist. so idk im afraid i might have done something similar here

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

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