- Username
- Wildcat14
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Not only confessing might start an argument with your husband - it will feed the OCD monster even more and then it will send you more things that you need to confess. Believe me as someone who thought that confessing was a good thing, it got so bad that I had to stop. Let the guilt, uncertainty or pain be there. Keep going with your life but don't do mental rituals (like imagining what ifs, etc.). It might take a couple of hours but the feeling will go away if you don't feed it.
Also, my therapist suggested saying your thought out load for about 1-2 hours. I often do this when alone doing the housework etc. It really does help and you really do just get bored of it. Or, tell yourself you’ll save the question/ritual/compulsion for an allotted amount of time, ie 4 days for example. In 4 days it’ll probably not bother you anymore, or you just extend the time frame. Just giving in once opens up the flood gates. If you can stall, (or not do it at all) and just live with your uncertainty - It really is the only way forward. I’ve had an horrendous 3 months, questioning and requestioning my husband, writing questions down and getting him to sign that he’d understood and agreed, recording our conversations just so I was sure, I was going nuts!!!! Coming out the other side now and feeling myself again. Meds and therapy cracked it for me. I hope this helps xx
Thank you for sharing about mental rituals! Sometimes it’s hard to identify them with Pure O because they’re all in your head, but I can see that I am doing that.
I know exactly how you feel, the feeling will go away, try to distract yourself, try to do something fun that will take your mind of it.. ??
I have exactly the same thing, lots of mental rituals all centred around my husband. Try writing down what you would say to him Again and again and again until you get bored of the subject. It’s great ERP and works for me. ERP and medication has really helped me. The stupid question and rituals around my husband got so bad I thought we were going to split. Get help and really do not carry out your compulsion! It will just mKe way for more! Good luck xx
Wow, thank you! That’s a great ERP tip!! I am in therapy, and it’s extremely helpful. Thanks so much!!
TW Yesterday I was driving and saw some attractive guy driving and turned my head to look at them. I have a boyfriend who I love very much and I feel like I need to confess this to him so bad. Even tho I know I didn’t mean anything by it I just wanted to look. I feel so guilty though. I haven’t confessed yet and I’m trying not to given because I’ve been confessing like crazy. It’s so hard.
Went through my bf’s phone after I told him I’d never do it again. I had an urge to go on it and had the opportunity to do so and I did find something that wasn’t okay & so I asked him about this girl without mentioning I went on his phone to see if he’d lie and he did. I asked if he spoke to her recently and he said he didn’t speak to her. When I agreed to not go on his phone, he agreed to not speak to her. He eventually showed me the messages & he told her he wasn’t allowed to talk to her but that was during a scream match we had that escalated. I’m starting to feel guilt and and a huge urge to confess to him that I went on his phone. I can feel it’s more OCD related confession because I feel like my relationship isn’t real if I don’t confess this. I been looking stuff up online to make my brain relax. As a person, I don’t think he needs to know as I genuinely vow to never go on his phone again, and because I actually found something on there. I know what steps I need to take. he also fucked up, I don’t feel the need to confess, realistically but my ocd is telling me I need to confess or else it’ll bother me forever and my relationship isn’t real cuz if I confess I know he’ll leave me and I’m taking away his right to know. It’s just really bothering me. I’m so sick of wanting to confess every fucking thing. If I make any mistake that I even feel the other doesn’t neee to know, I feel the confession even stronger & I hate it. Sometimes ITS OK TO JUST KEEP THINGS HIDDEN BUT THIS FEELING IS JUST SO STRONG.
It feels like my mind scans for things for me to “confess” to my partner. Things that aren’t even important or necessary come into my mind and I feel so guilty about it and get super stressed and feel like the only way to get rid of that is to confess. I feel like it’s something I have to do. No matter how much I tell myself it’s something that doesn’t need to be said I still have to say it somehow. I don’t know if this is normal, but I just feel like my partner has to know everything. And this is causing arguments and making him upset. I don’t want to hurt my partner anymore as I can tell my OCD is really affecting him. If anyone has any advice that would be great!
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