What does this mean?

Ok I’ve been struggling with this sub theme for the past few months and recently it’s been pretty good for the most part until the past few days when whenever I saw a attractive man on social media or whatever (I’m a male btw) that triggered the thoughts, saliva would start to build up in my mouth which is starting to freak me out because this only started happening like a few days ago. It’s starting to make me feel like I’m actually attracted to men when I really want nothing to do with them (even just typing that makes me question in lol) but yeah idk what this means

Sexual Orientation OCD

brynnybat2004

Date posted: 2y

Watch Chrissie hodges on youtube! She covers stuff like this!!

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Bro ive been dealing with this for over a year. Its ocd , treat it as is man. I tend to lean into to show im not gonna be held back by ocd. Ill say things like ok he's a handsome guy and then ill just sit with it

Anonymous2602

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 I totally get what you’re saying it’s just my stupid mind can’t wrap around the idea that I’m not really attracted to that person and it always focuses on the worst case scenarios.

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I feel you for me I think I would get excited when seeing a certain guy and then start to hyper focus on sensations by my groin. Then I think, “maybe I’ve always done this and now I’m just aware of it.” It’s really uncomfortable to sit with I just try my best not to analyze it too much. I don’t even think it happens anymore for me but then again I’m super focused on another obsessions so it takes most of my attention now.

Anonymous2602

Date posted: 2y

@englerscott Yeah first it was my breathing got heavier then that went away. Next it was my heart started to beat faster then that went away. Now it’s the salivating. It’s just feels like and endless cycle of obsessions

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 2y

@Surviving Yeah the sexual orientation OCD is brutal. It came up for me last night out of the blue. All I’ve learned from dealing with this one for over a decade now is that if I’m able to let go of trying to figure it out, the intrusive thoughts and sensations seem to go away. And my thinking becomes more clear… like for example, if I really obsess about it, then I’ll start to doubt how much I like seeing girls naked when watching porn. Or if I really like their body parts. I’ve found if I don’t dive into the theme and weird sensations and try to “prove” I’m not gay, usually I’ll just enjoy porn or sex like I used to and not have the intrusive thoughts, feelings, and doubts

Anonymous2602

Date posted: 2y

@englerscott Tysm I’ll try that. The thing that happens to me when I do the “maybe maybe not” mentality is that when I’m not stressing over the thoughts or not trying to figure it out because I’m using the mindset, my mind is like “well since your not stressing over it, this must mean you’ve accepted it” which makes it even worse for me

Lean.Into.it

Date posted: 2y

@Surviving Totally get it. OCD wants us to keep in the battle no matter what. So it finds another way to hook you. Next time that happens, tell yourself that you have accepted it, and you’re going to be getting on the Grindr app in a few hours and buying a rainbow bumper sticker for your car.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

hey guys, i am really struggling

hey guys, i am really really struggling and i feel like crying. evry day i get this feeling of sexual attraction to the same gender, and i get those feelings even just thinking about it now. i hste them and want them to go away but they simply won’t and it has me thinking that this is just how my life is gonna be like. when i was fully healed or atleast thought i was healed from the false attraction and soocd, i still sometimes got that attraction feeling, and i would force my body not to feel it. i hated it and was scared of liking it so i would like stop breathing and make it stop. it was only ever occasional but this is making me concerned now too, because i still sometimes felt that feeling when i was healed. now currently my main trigger is masculine girls, but when my soocd first started i had no false attraction or attraction like this towards girls, and it was all just in my mind like saying, “don’t look at that girl or you’re gay.” there was one point in my soocd where i was worried about being attracted to my friends, but i am greatful in the sense of i know that that is not true and my main issue is the false attraction watching videos and i have experienced it once in real life too and i hated it. please lmk what i should do or even if you can relate. i am sick of feeling th is way, and i am a christian too so this makes it harder. i’ve tried everything like accepting it, or trying to even say to myself yes u do like it but it always just leads to me being scared.

g_rangel

Date posted: 18w

spiraling again.

i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time

Mr. Solo Dolo

Date posted: 13w

Relapse

Hey guys, this last week has been pretty rough for me mentally for some reason. Today in particular I’m having a pretty bad episode. For some reason about 30 minutes ago, I randomly started remembering watching the Step Up movies growing up. I remember seeing Channing Tatum in that movie and think he’s attractive, along with some other men I think. Then I started to wonder if that means that I’m into men, because I somewhat remember getting a negative feeling about it from that young age. I looked up on Google if it’s possible to not realize your gay, and the ai thing said yes and started talking about something called latent homosexuality. It also so said that some people start sleeping with a particular before ever actually discovering their sexuality. This makes me want to take a panted homosexual test, or something. Lately I’ve also been wanting to dive into my past with my therapist to try to see where my “ocd” stems from (if I even have it) or if I’m truly gay and have just be conditioned to be straight. I’ve been spiralling guys and I need was honesty and wisdom. Can anybody help me ?

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