Is an attempt to cheat something to confess?

That's what my friends say, that ultimately nothing happened so let it go, but I feel like if I told her she'd want to break up so that means it's bad enough :( Also continued to be close friends with this girl (distanced myself and no contact 2 months later) so I feel even worse.

@Igraine I know this fear, but keep in mind that as you said, it's just what you feel might happen. It's anxiety over something that isn't real. I don't see the sense in telling her, it's just you attaching meaning to whatever silly thing you did one year ago.

@Lavender. I just worry that it's not a silly little thing, what if the only reason I didn't cheat is because my friend didn't pick me up, that's horrible 😞

If it was my intent, would that be something to confess??

@Igraine i don’t think that was your intent

@Igraine I think that’s up to you. But it sounds like your OCD is making you think it. When I think about honesty in a relationship, I think about each person having all the information they need to make choices (esp stay or go). Am I withholding something that my partner would need to know in order to have autonomy in the relationship? If yes, air it out. They deserve to have choice. In this case, be easy on yourself. Your inner critic is beating you up. Remind yourself that you love her and want her in your life. Remind yourself that you are lovable. Remind yourself you are faithful. Call the OCD inner voice a liar out loud if you have to. It’s one of my favorite tools. Hope this helps. Take care of yourself today!

@igetamped I really feel it was my intent, I've felt guilty about it since the morning after :(

i just worry, i feel like this is a confession I've been avoiding every other time i confess something, so maybe it is the one that would make things go away

@Igraine listen. i’ve confessed so many things thinking i could just be content and it go away if i confessed this one thought or action. i kid you not, it doesn’t take two seconds to go on to the next thought. it takes maybe a blink. and it doesn’t seem big at first but quickly becomes the only thing i can ruminate about.

@Igraine watch, we’re gonna marry these people

@mackattack0216 that's such a sweet thought, i can't imagine losing her she's my everything, i think it's a big reason that i keep looking back at anything i could've done to lose her. but then i think maybe it isn't OCD, maybe I'm just avoiding it :(

@mackattack0216 I'm afraid I'll marry her with secrets like this

She is very supportive with ROCD, I've told her so many things, about my concerns with this, my fear of cheating, having basically cheated in the past. It's gotten to the point where she won't offer reassurance anymore and says she won't discuss it with me, but I worry if she knew these details she'd change her mind

@Igraine by the past I mean in a different relationship when I was in college years ago

@Igraine I'm so glad your girlfriend is so supportive and knowledgeable about OCD! It sounds like the worry that she could change her mind that you're experiencing is an uncertainty that OCD likes to latch onto. I know it sucks (and I struggle to resist it too), but it's beneficial in the long run to try and resist the compulsions for as long as you can and sit in that uncertainty even though feels so unsettling and uncomfortable. Each extra minute you successfully resist it by is like an extra minute that you stared OCD in the face and say "you dont hold power over my happiness and my life." Each minute of resisting adds on to the testament of your strength and fortitude. And if you end up succumbing to the urge after trying your best to resist, that's ok as long as you dust yourself off and keep resisting it again next time. ❤️❤️

@Anonymous I worry that I'm not compulsing, but just trickle truthing and lying to her, I feel so undeserving and angry at myself all the time

@Anonymous I can't even focus on the things I used to enjoy for almost a year, it just dominates my mind constantly

@Igraine I'm sorry it's been causing that much anxiety for you... You don't deserve this suffering, nor does anyone. Unfortunately, the most effective way out is ERP, which in this case seems to be sitting in that fear of lying/lying by omission for as long as you're able to tolerate it. I know it sucks, but you can do this! As long as you resist to the best of your ability when you notice an urge to confess, you're making progress towards feeling better in the long run!

@Anonymous I feel like if I tell her everything the fear will go away though, theres other things ive finally confessed to her before and now don't worry about, I feel like I'm using OCD as an excuse

No need to apologize to any of us! In terms of reassurance seeking, pretty sure everyone on this platform has been there before. (I know I have ~many~ times, lol.) It's great that you were able to recognize it so that you can resist it today. You're strong and you've got this! 💖💖💖

@Anonymous Feeling so guilty still but trying to just believe my therapist and trust the process and just sit with it, thanks for the support 🤗