ROCD is hurting my relationship

I have a healthy relationship with a lovely guy and about a month ago I got the random thought of “what if I don’t love him?” Ever since I have been ruminating and checking and I feel as though I can’t tell the difference between the truth or ROCD. It feels like it’s coming to be the truth now and I’m pushing him away, and he’s upset that I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want to break up but I feel so unfair to him and I hate that I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Any advice?

Relationship OCD

Username: ArugulaArugula

Date posted: 1y ago

I used to experience this a lot. Always felt that something was “wrong”. Nearly broke up with my (then boyfriend) after 3 years just after my friends wedding. I did a lot of work on my ROCD and have been able to manage it quite well! I believe there is hope 3 years later, we got married. Nowadays I can recognize my spiral coming on, I let him know about it, and I allow my thoughts to pass through me. I also go to resources like @anxiouslovecoach and @youloveandyoulearn on insta. Now I can recognize what is a trigger and view it simply as a trigger, not a sign that we aren’t right for each other.

Username: IamtheonewhooverthinksIamtheonewho...

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m right there with you too ! From what I can see from my own opinion is it’s your ocd .. everyone gets these thoughts it’s normal .. but when it becomes a problem like this it is for sure ocd .. if you don’t wanna leave him and you know you’d be lost or sad without him then you do love him.. I struggle with relationship ocd every time I get into a new relationship .. I’ll listen to the doubts break up and the very next thing I’m kicking myself in the ass hating myself for listening to my doubts and then missing the person I just left like crazy.. my advice is you tell him and communicate to him.. it’s worse if you keep it all bottled up inside .. normal people can do things easier than people with ocd .. that’s including relationships .. but you need to communicate and reassure him this is what’s randomly going through your head .. reassure him you don’t wanna leave and lean in to your thoughts the more you fight it the harder it is for you .. joke with the thoughts .. laugh about them .. you obviously care about him. Otherwise you’d just been like eh whatever I’ll find someone else .

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thank you for saying this. Do you think it makes a difference of the frequency of the thoughts? Feels like they have been constant and can get worse or better sometimes, but the underlying feeling of something feeling “wrong.” Do you experience that?

Username: IamtheonewhooverthinksIamtheonewho...

Date posted: 1y ago

Yes all the time they are constant cause it’s you’re body reacting . Its getting worse cause it’s bugging the shit out of you .. .. I do feel that way you are not alone .. but I also know myself .. I’ve acted on my thoughts before and hate what I’ve done and miss my person I left due to them .. that’s why I try and push through .. usually I go through it get through it and I’m fine again or normal then usual . I let my therapist know this usually happens only when I get into a new relationship and she said yes that’s rocd I don’t feel this way when I casually have hook ups with woman only when I like and get with Someone .. and that’s usually from my understanding what ocd does .. you attack yourself with doubts and fears and it doesn’t do anything when casually hooking up cause there is no importance there .. and my lady is very important to me . I like her and she’s been there for me even after telling her my mental struggles .. I know if I left thinking I want another woman my rocd would just spike up again no matter whom I’m with .. it’s just who I am and how I get . But they usually do get better .. I have good days and bad .. usually more good then bad .. but it helps you communicate .. if he leaves you than he ain’t the one .. if he stays and helps that’s what you truly deeply want . That’s why it feels so great when you’re not attacking yourself and you feel yourself .. my therapist said after I told her I feel amazing when I’m not thinking when I’m doing ok she said yes that’s cause you’re back to your true self . And I felt that on another level .

Username: IamtheonewhooverthinksIamtheonewho...

Date posted: 1y ago

I know I wrote a lot I’m sorry .. but believe me when you’re going through it it fucking sucks with a passion.. but the moment you feel better and fine and are ok it’s absolutely beautiful .. I fucking love when I’m not in it .. I see how beautiful my life is how beautiful my woman is .. how beautiful love is .. mine also stems probably from my past.. I’ve never had good relationships my mom walked out on the family for another man. My dad got with a new woman shortly after and I felt like he chose her and her children more then he chose me .. so I may also have deeper wounds that cause this .. I’m also afraid and terrified of being hurt and depressed cause ocd me while depressed is not good whatsoever .. but just hang in there and give it a chance .

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m glad to hear that you have found a way to accept the thoughts and get back to your true self. Communicating with my partner has definitely been helpful, but I’ve found that too much is hurting my relationship a little bit. Thank you for responding, this has been really helpful and I am looking forward to my journey through this difficult time. ❤️

Username: sofie_

Date posted: 2y ago

so i dont really know where to start this off other than saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but it’s the only label I can associate with. For the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely anxious and keep thinking “What if I’m using my boyfriend?” Or “what if I just see him as a friend and not my boyfriend?” Or “he deserves someone who truly loves him” even though I know deep down I love him. we’ve been dating for a month and these thoughts just started occurring two weeks ago and it pushed me into a mental drought where I couldn’t eat, focus, and I lost the motivation to do a lot. it’ll get so bad where I just wish I was back to my normal happy self but then my brain questions whether I was ever truly happy or just lying. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Ive communicated to him that I haven’t been feeling the best mentally and I’ve reminded him that if he ever wanted to end things, he has every right to but when I tell him those things, my brain immediately says that I’m just saying those things so he can break up with me so I don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up with him. But I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t know what to do anymore and it all feels so hopeless

Relationship OCD

Username: ashxfire19

Date posted: 2y ago

Is this ROCD?

Hi all, I just joined this app today after finding its recommendation on reddit so bear with me. The past three weeks of my life has been a living hell. Out of nowhere, I started obsessing about if I need to leave my partner. So let me just say, I love my partner so much, we’ve been together for 1.5 years. The thoughts about leaving him are eating me up and pulling me apart. For three weeks straight now from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, all I can think about is how I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend even though I don’t want to. Nothings changed in our relationship but these thoughts have sent me into a spiral. I’ll spend hours reading articles about staying together and breaking up, having multiple crying meltdowns a day about the thought of losing him and that I don’t love him anymore, and feel like I can’t make this anxiety go away unless we break up (AND I DONT WANT TO AT ALL.) This has given my physical symptoms of nausea, chest ache, stomach issues, and mental symptoms of a pit in my stomach, constant feeling of dread, obsessive thoughts that I can’t stop thinking, and the guilt is unimaginable. I love him and I can’t imagine being with someone else. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this ROCD or am I a bad partner?

Relationship OCD

Username: beans264

Date posted: 49w ago

I feel terrible

I've been in a relationship for a couple of months now with a really sweet guy. He's always supportive when it comes to everything I'm involved in. He compliments me regularly. He's got a lot of very happy energy. Nothing is wrong with our relationship, except for me. For the past week or two, I've been experiencing negative feelings and intrusive thoughts at random times, even if I haven't spoken to him around the time that they come up. Everything was great and then all of a sudden they hit me and it's hard to shake them. They're thoughts like "you should break up with him", "do you even really love him", and similar thoughts to that. I've been trying to change course with my thoughts and I think it's working a bit because now it's mostly just the feeling that comes about rather than the thought. It just leaves me feeling less than great, and it's hard to know if I'm actually starting to agree with my thoughts or if I'm just being lured in and deceived because I know that ROCD can do that. It's hard to shake those feelings, and usually they go away when I talk to him, but sometimes I'm so caught up in it that I can't get rid of it, even while we're on the phone. I love him and don't want to break up, I just don't know how to ease the negativity. Why are they coming around now?

Relationship OCD

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ROCD is hurting my relationship

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