I’d like to have a conversation with others who struggle with SOOCD. Not for reassurance. Not for rumination. Just to share and hear each others stories. It feels better to get stuff off your chest. So I ask, how did this start for you?
When i was 12/13 years old. Randomly got the thought and have dealt with it on and off since. Thoughts are always in the background but recently going through a big flare up.
@Roses2021 I can relate. It is not easy
I was 18. I remembered a childhood memory where I had experimented with other girls until about the age of ten. I always kind of remembered those memories but was able to justify them. And I had always kind of had this fear just because I was afraid I was living a lie. But on this particular day when I remembered it, my mind went am I gay?? I immediately said not but the thoughts wouldn't stop coming. It was terrible. I remember there were times were I would wish to at least be bisexual so i could still be happy with a man which of course this theme would revolve. Three years later from that moment I am now in therapy and it is not and has not been easy but here we are.
It really started around 16-17 when i had a flashback to when i was 8ish and had experienced an experimental situation with another boy. And it made me question my sexuality and because everyone come out around that age i began to get super worried and analyze my relationship with my male friends. Ever since then its been on and off and go properly diagnosed when i was 27 im now 30
Began for me when I was 13/14 when the question popped into my head after a friend of mine started hooking up with a guy and I didn’t feel ready. Been 20+ years with years on and off with little to no symptoms. Unfortunately after a big life transition I have a massive flare up. Worst yet.
Hello. I am so sorry you have been going through this for so long. If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out that it was ocd as well??
@Anonymous At the age of 20ish I was told by a psychologist that I had ocd
@Anonymous But as OCD does, I question that sometimes
@Onedayatatime1230 Thank you for responding...
When I was 18 I had an intrusive thought of not liking men anymore. I started remembering how I questioned myself if I was bi and use to flirt with other girls in the past. There’s nothing wrong with that ofc and I don’t mind being bi, but my thoughts tell me I’m gay and it makes me sad bc I’ve always wanted to be with a man. I still want to be with a man but my OCD makes me doubt it, but not as much as before.
When I was 13 I had a random thought if i liked my friends sister (who was masculine presenting). Ever since then on and off I’ve had intrusive thoughts about my sexuality. I remember getting my first boyfriend at 17 and had the thought, phew this means I’m not gay. It provided “certainty.”Sometimes they’d bother me, sometimes not. I’d always wanted to date men and have. Never had crushes on women like I did with men. I won’t deny I’ve found women attractive, but the draw felt different to men! I’m currently married to a man as well! My SOOCD really exploded when we were getting serious 2 years into dating. For the past 3 years it’s been so hard. I even told him a could be bisexual and he was totally cool with it. OCD has been relentless. I really miss my carefree and healthy sex life with my husband. Today has been a tough day. I got diagnosed with OCD in Jan and was somewhat seeing a therapist but she wasn’t very helpful. I’m now seeing a new one who’s awesome. So well see!
When I was a child because my mom used to say in a derogatory way that my aunt was a lesbian, so one day I remembered that I liked to watch boobs and magazines and I started to obsess over my sexuality at 8 years old. It went away until in 2020 I met a masculine woman and she liked me and I wasn't attracted to her sexually but I liked her aesthetically(?) So I started to obsess again
I saw a picture of a girl i knew and I felt like I was attracted to her. It was the weirdest thing ever because I didn’t even think she was that pretty!
Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.
Are there any demisexuals on here that struggle with SO-OCD (I'm a straight woman, or so I think I am). It's a struggle to know what's OCD and what isn't
Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?
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