People pleasing

Hey there, as I worked on my OCD recovery I realized this “people pleasing” was something I also did. I looked at the function of my behavior, why can’t I say no? What is the reason I always say yes? I want to please people, yes, but it’s because I feel that guarantees in some way people will like me, be there for me, please God, the list goes on and on. If I didn’t do the “pleasing” behavior, whatever it was, I would feel terrible, like I’d made a big mistake, guilty etc. Here’s what I learned, just like everything else with OCD, you can’t be 100% certain. Perhaps I did offend someone, now they may not be there for me, I may have done irreparable harm, whatever the feared consequences were. I had to learn to be comfortable with that uncertainty. What I’m trying to say is people pleasing can function as a compulsion. As long as I was doing compulsions, my OCD didn’t improve. Hope this makes sense.

Great advice VGH. I’ll add to the discussion by saying that you should be your authentic self always. Don’t be afraid or let your OCD lead you to think that you need to be liked by everyone. A harsh truth of life is that some people are going to secretly hate your guts, no matter what you do to make them accept you. It’s best to cut these people off from your life, including family members too! Go no contact with them. Just think about it this way. Would you rather live your life surrounded with many “friends” who only put up with you, or have a few quality, genuine friends who are there for you unconditionally? Also, keep in mind, these genuine friends take time and patience to find and you won’t find them on social media.

Yes I’ve been rewarded all my life for people pleasing. So, it comes naturally

same here! my whole life

I think that what you are describing is so much more common than we realize, especially in those of us who suffer from OCD. The good news is that we can practice setting boundaries and sitting with the discomfort that this brings. It is hard but can be so worthwhile, check this out:https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/people-pleasing-patterns-in-ocd