Who am I

@Anonymous I’m with mine for almost 3 years now and same I just don’t recognise myself like I was faking it even tho I was really happy with him like…

@LolaG And I saw a tik tok there that was like when I realised when I was 13 but pushed it down for 13 years and now it has me panicking because I had my first episode then

@Anonymous Did you mean that you had your first SOCD episode at 13? I did personally and then it popped back up 20+ years later and in a way that took over my life.

@GoAwayOCD1060 Yes I had about a 2 week period where I had it it went away until now 🥺 and I'm just broken with it

@Anonymous And when I read those coming out stories for ERP it freaks me out cause I’m like “it was true, it wasn’t ocd it was denial etc; down the rabbit hole.

@GoAwayOCD1060 Oh yeah on tiktok I saw a girl say "a straight girl don’t worry all the time if she’s lesbian or not" 🤡 and it made me cry :)

@LolaG And lately I just keep getting everything about being gay like everything

@Anonymous I can relate, yesterday after ERP for 30 mins doubt creeped in all day but it’s part of the process! I know I shouldn’t get any comfort from the fact that you were 13 when you first got the SOCD but to be honest, I do. I had OCD up to that point and still don’t know what triggered or made me think “I’m gay” and have to urge to say it but what are the chances we both had that and then it came back and both have OCD and both are in denial (along with thousands of others). It’s possible we are in denial but it’s also possible that we are ocd sufferers who all share the same thoughts. Mine switched to POCD and even Transocd one night. It’s there to torture and instill fake fear but we need to sit with the possibility that we could be gay in denial but also could be ocd and sharing the same experience.

@LolaG If you look or I should say if ocd looks for it on Tik tok, you’ll find the answer to latch on. Try to stop compulsions (checking, googling, etc; for a week and you’ll see how much relief you get eventually). I used to look at straight porn so much that it desensitized actual normal sex and when I did have normal sex, my ocd was like yup see you’re not into it) but when I stopped checking via porn for a week, my regular libido came back! Depression and anxiety can interfere with our emotions to where we become indifferent towards the very ppl we know we’ve loved like our partners. That can also contribute to those ocd thoughts of “see I don’t feel anything towards them so that means” but it’s just us feeding the OCD.

@GoAwayOCD1060 This is so true I spend hours and I mean hours googling , checking my body and mine also went to pocd one night but only lasted the night now I still get thoughts when I'm around the kids in my family but it hasn't latched on as bad then I was quite bad with my health too and then my weight since I was about 6/7

@Anonymous My weight lasted until this came along

@Anonymous This was my whole day yesterday :)

@LolaG It's like I'm mourning my old self

@Anonymous Me yesterday, hope you’ll be better soon