Friend insulted my boyfriend and I'm anxious

I was out with my friend and I was saying how much I think my boyfriend was attractive in related conversation. And than she gave me a look, and was like "agree to disagree" and started saying all this stuff about how I could do better in terms of looks, and when I asked her if she thought he was ugly she said "I decline to answer" Which is an answer in and of itself. I told her I wasn't asking if she was attracted to him, but instead objectively of whether he was a handsome individual. I could never fucking imagine seriously calling someone she loves ugly like that to her face. It is unnecessary and rude, and I wouldn't think like that of someone she sincerely cares for. My intrusive thoughts got the better of me and I fixated and felt anxious about it so I kept asking her. I communicated that she was making me feel uncomfortable and disrespected because she was insulting my boyfriend, and she was like "I'm just saying" but I don't think she realized the impact of her words on me until I told her that I loved him and this offending me deeply. She fell silent after, and started apologizing. Not only did I then feel anxious about what she said, but also that when I said "I love him" I felt so emotionless and empty when I said it and it's just making me overthink. I also feel like I didn't feel mad enough towards her insult against someone I care about. I love my boyfriend with all I have, and now I feel so awful and guilty for hyperfixating on his looks and questioning my love. I feel so ashamed. Idk what to do.

Relationship OCD

erinnicole

Date posted: 2y

oh honey, im so sorry. for one, definitely drop that friend. two, you know you love your boyfriend and that you’re attracted to him, your friend may have given her opinion but thats the thing, it’s HER opinion, not yours. dont allow her words and overall negativity enter your brain and control you and your thoughts, don’t give her that power. she doesn’t have that control over you, so don’t let her seep into your choices. try looking at pictures of you and your boyfriend together or call him, talk to him, and remind yourself why you love him and how much you are attracted to him.

Sero82

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much for your words and advice! I'm honestly feeling very emotional. I didn't think she was going to say something like that, and she seemed genuinely shocked that I said I love him. She seemed like she appeared very apologetic but I don't know if I should give her the opportunity of a second chance at this point in time. I felt like we connected as friends and now that's out the window. But you're right that it is her opinion, and it means nothing to me. I appreciate the reminder.

erinnicole

Date posted: 2y

@Sero82 i feel like she will continue to say things that will send you spiraling. i understand you feel emotional, it’s hard to cope when people insult us and the ones we love while also dealing with OCD and other struggles. your feelings are valid. i hope you feel better soon!

erinnicole

Date posted: 2y

provide yourself with that reassurance !

savvyp

Date posted: 24w

Feeling guilt

I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

I messed up :(

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

HELP PLS I NEED ADVICE

Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞

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Friend insulted my boyfriend and I'm anxious

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