Feels like a forever thing

Feels like I’m gonna have this for as long as I’m dating my boyfriend…. Feels like I wouldn’t have this problem if we broke up and I would be “free”. It just is hard because I’ve had these thoughts everyday for the duration of our relationship and even some months before that. So I’m not sure how our relationship is supposed to feel tbh. The thing that scares me is I feel like I’ve never been fully aware of my sexuality. I mean in high school I used to be sure I think? But in college something changed with me and I felt unsure then. Now I just feel like I don’t even know. Anyone else has been struggling with this since they got with their boyfriend ?? Or has everyone been super sure of their sexuality beforehand and then these thoughts came?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Eric23Eric23

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

You have to live your life despite the thoughts, even if it’s hard. I stopped dating for months because of intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation when I had not questioned that before. Then as a compulsion I started going on lots of dates and having casual sex to try to reassure myself which felt good in the moments but the doubts would just come back stronger. That’s when I realized I had OCD and started ERP and therapy. Then I met my current girlfriend who I’m absolutely crazy about. My thoughts came back initially because now the stakes were higher because I really liked her. Now with continued therapy and ERP I still have the thoughts occasionally but I’ve learned to live with them and not compulse to try to battle them away. You can date and be with your bf despite the thoughts.

Username: Lisa LeeLou Lisa LeeLou

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks for sharing what you are going through. Try to keep in mind that OCD is the doubting disease. It will attach onto anything it can. If it wasn’t attaching to your relationship, it would be something else. OCD likes to incorrectly think it’s a problem solver. Therefore it will never overwhelm us with positive thoughts. Another words it provides a one-sided viewpoint. of course, there are questions and things to consider in relationships. however when we are in an OCD loop we are not in a position to consider things in a productive way. When the OCD thoughts come up, try to allow yourself to have them but limit your engagement. Try a response like “thanks OCD” or “maybe so, maybe not”. I know easier said than done but with time and practice it does get easier.

Username: Going to fight OCDGoing to fig...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lisa LeeLou Thank you Lisa! for me though, I have these thoughts and triggers and rumination cycles but I constantly have the dread and thought that I’m gay 24/7 and that I’m lying so I’m not really sure how to subside that.

Username: Going to fight OCDGoing to fig...

Date posted: 1y ago

This is hard because now since I’ve had these thoughts I will always have them, is what it feels like. Vs when I was younger I would have fears or other obsessions that I’ve probably forgotten about now or are not in my mind really because they weren’t about my character or identity

Username: ada110ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

It sounds like 'meta OCD' thoughts are getting a lot of attention here - thoughts like 'I'll feel like forever', 'I'll never feel better while with my boyfriend'. These all-or-nothing thoughts are common, but paying them too much attention will keep you feeling worse. See if you can apply some response prevention to them - maybe I will feel like this forever, maybe I won't. Try and be aware of when you're falling into this black-and-white thinking. On the sexuality thing, it sounds like you're caught up in analysing it and trying to 'work it out' - comparing with how you felt when younger, trying to be certain. This is a compulsion, and what OCD wants. The thing is, you never questioned your sexuality in this way before because you didn't have OCD symptoms before. Now you don't know because OCD is making you doubt - you're hyperaware. Again try not to give into these compulsions; give yourself permission to drop it, leave it confused and unsolved. Hope this helps - I've been exactly where you are so I get it 💖

Username: Going to fight OCDGoing to fig...

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate it

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 2y ago

Must be real

I have chronic anxiety all day thinking my sexuality.. It feels like I want it and thinking about a future my boyfriend is riddled eith anxiety and feeling like I don't want it and would rather be with a woman. I feel sad because I feel like i have to end things with my boyfriend to be a lesbian. I'm riddled with anxiety, sadness, guilt and helplessness. I can't take this feeling anymore I want it all to stop! I'm at my whits end, I feel like I've been thinking about this shit forever, even before I met my boyfriend. I'm just so done

Username: tiniest.light

Date posted: 43w ago

Venting

I am a woman in a long term relationship of over 5 years with a man who I genuinely love. I have identified as bisexual my whole adult life but I have only ever dated men (just by chance). For months I've been having obsessive thoughts about whether I am actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself- I keep going through temporary periods where I make peace with the worries but it always seems to come back with a vengance. This week the thoughts have been so constant that any quiet moment my brain immediately starts stressing over the possibility. My partner is aware of the thoughts (has has dealt with OCD as well and understands) but I still feel SO guilty because I am happy in my relationship and I don't know why I can't move past the thoughts. I logically know that I am attracted to men and that I find my partner attractive. But I get worried that maybe down the line that will change and things will only get more painful if we needed to separate. I feel like I'm so obsessed with ways things could end that I'm missing all the good that's actually in front of me and it feels so sad and isolating 💔

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 42w ago

SOOCD after a long time

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Feels like a forever thing

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community