Sometimes I'm not feeling that anxious but when a specific thought and fear come up I feel paralyzed. I sit and write down my thoughts, I try to rationalize, sometimes search it online, and I am consumed by grief. It feels so real that I can't tell. If you ask me I really don't know, I don't have the "deep down I know it's not true" thing. I have other things to do but I can't focus on anything else. It makes me want to cry.
I’m not an expert and passing along some information acquired in my OCD journey. When you fight against the thoughts, you’re signaling the brain to mark them as being important. We all have bad, unwanted thoughts. Those not having OCD will just shrug them off and not let them bother or give meaning to them. That’s contrary to those of us with OCD. It takes practice not to respond to the thoughts or to follow them down the rabbit hole of trying to figure them out or seeking 100% of certainty. Instead lean towards the uncertainty (maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not). I know it’s easier said than done and you can do it!!! Hope this helps you in your journey.
Thanks for the advice. It's certainly not easy. It feels like I gotta figure it out.
To preface this post, this is not advice to do anything on your own, and everything I mention should be discussed/done with a clinical therapist. Now, it depends on the thoughts, but as mentioned above, the rationalizing attempts and internet searching sounds like the ritualizing/compulsion part of OCD, which, to my knowledge tends to make things worse, even if it feels relieving in the short term. What I was taught, was to write down my intrusive thoughts on an index card, along with what they meant to me, according to my ocd and what would immediately make me feel better (i.e. “I thought x and that means I’m a bad person. I have to look up if others have similar thoughts to ease my anxiety”), and to then read the card 10+ times a day, without giving into the compulsion, to spike my OCD anxiety, and write down on a scale from 1-10 how bad the anxiety spike is, and from 1-10 how much I gave into ritualizing, each time on a little line, on the same card, under the writing. After some time, the numbers should start to decrease and the card can be “retired” when it almost no longer causes much, if any anxiety (like a 1-2). Again, I’m NOT saying to experiment with this on your own, as it can be extremely, emotionally intense, but I feel like it’s worth discussing with an ERP specialist.
Thank you for taking the time to write this, it really helped. I'm all over the place and definitely not dealing with this well. I'm already trying to schedule the second appointment with my nocd therapist.
@Lavender. You’re welcome. As I said, I’m not a therapist, but I find this technique to be quite helpful, albeit a bit challenging to explain, since it’s pretty detailed. The main purpose is to spike the OCD anxiety, and then sit through it, and record the levels of anxiety and ritualization, until eventually they drop. Just remember that it can be quite intense, so I recommend doing it with professional supervision, as it can be a pretty strong emotional experience, especially at first. Hopefully, you can find some relief as soon as possible. I know how stressful the whole one session and rationalizing/reassurance seeking cycle can be, and how difficult it is to not give in, since it feels so relieving to do so, at first.
Ive shared here many times that this year my health anxiety got really bad and it got to a point where i had really sad thoughts and i dont know what to do with them cause they are really deep/dark and i feel like it can be real, like in that situation i can feel the same thing. Im talking about the fear of having cancer, i had alot of stomach issues in these 2 months and i couldnt handle my emetophobia and because i heard from others thst the way i react now to this issue, i couldnt handle if i would have cancer and i would die because of stress, and this made me think cause i think its true... And this became and obsession lurking behind, and one night it gave me actual thoughts like i have cancer and im thinking that maybe i spend my last day with mx family, they are seeing me the last time and how sad will be for them when i die, these really dark things and it made me feel soo sad, like im in that situation and i felt that hopelessnes dark feeling that i might not wake up tomorrow and how it will affect others.. It's a horrible feeling.. and what made me spin more is that after this i thought that i would have the same thoughts if i would be dangerously ill and those feelings are scaring me and i dont know what to do about it... Im afraid i would feel the same thing and it scares me cause these are really dark and strong feelings, you cant just ignore it and move on... It really hard to navigate yourself through these dark thoughts, atleast i cant just move on...
I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞
Hey everyone, I just wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with, especially around making decisions. It’s really hard for me to feel confident in the choices I make, even when I know what the right thing is. I constantly find myself needing validation from others—whether it’s about something small or something really important. For example, at my job, I might know exactly what I’m doing and have done it right a bunch of times, but I still feel the need to double-check with someone or ask if it’s okay. It’s like this fear kicks in, and I start imagining worst-case scenarios—like what if I mess up and someone gets hurt, and then I get blamed or even end up in jail or prison. I know that sounds extreme, but these thoughts just come automatically, and they feel so real in the moment. This has been going on for maybe a year or two now. Even outside of work, the same thing happens. Like recently, I’ve been trying to figure out a gym schedule—my girlfriend wants to go with me, and I’m trying to plan the times and make it all work. But instead of just choosing what works best for me, I overthink it. I go back and forth in my head, and I ask other people what they think, even though deep down I know this is something I should be deciding for myself. It’s my life, but I still need that reassurance from others, and I don’t really know why. It’s exhausting to always doubt myself and to feel like one wrong choice could lead to something terrible. I’m trying to work through it, but I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone else deals with this or has advice. Thanks for reading.
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