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spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

I feel so horrible :( nsfw

I was doing so well. I wasn’t anxious I would still have done intrusive thoughts but I wouldn’t get super anxious about them and I wouldn’t be seeking reassurance like I was before. Just now I woke up from a dream and it was so distressing and I’m crying and I don’t know what to do, I feel so guilty. In the dream (tmi warning sexual) I was going to have an orgy with my bf and two other people that I have had a past with. In the dream I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, that I only wanted to do it with my bf. Then I woke up and while I was half asleep I was trying to think about whether I would have wanted it with one of them (the one who has caused me the most anxiety and obsessing since being in a relationship). Then I got kind of turned on while I was thinking about it but at the same time I was thinking about doing it with my bf. Anyways I feel so bad especially because I was awake and it feels like this confirms all my fears with this person because I couldn’t decide if I would have wanted it or not. I never dated either of these people, my bf is my first partner,but things with that person didn’t just “end” because I decided I wanted them to like with the other person. I think they ended over time and because I started dating my bf so I couldn’t recall specifically deciding I didn’t like that perosn anymore like with the other one. But still I feel so bad and it’s just triggered everything I had been worrying about before I was doing well. I don’t know what to feel I feel so bad

Relationship OCD

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

Hey, sounds like you are having kind of a OCD meltdown right now. Take a breath, everything will be okay! You are in OCD mode right now, your OCD tells you to check your feelings and to figure things out. All the what ifs are your OCD not you. It's important that you realize that you really can't controll your dreams and that trying to figure them out will do you more harm then good. Try to go with the "maybe, maybe not" method :)

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch Thank you! My boyfriend asked me what was wrong and I told him and he was understanding and it made me feel a lot better but of course now here I am thinking about times in the past when he wasn’t so understanding or when he’s done things that bother me and now I have this lingering feeling of what if he’s unhealthy which is also a common theme for me. But I think I’m gonna be okay, thanks so much for responding

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@spookycupcake Again, you need to accept that with OCD questions there is no certainty. Trying to find certainty will only make your anxiety and your rumination worse. So try to let go by saying "hey OCD, no need to figure this out right now. Maybe he is unhealthy for me, maybe not. It only brings me harm to ruminate about this thought, so I will stop." I think it's also very, very important to figure out your core believes about your relationship, the things that fuel those OCD triggers. Do you have the expectation that you and your boyfriend need to be perfect? Do you think it's only love when you don't find anyone else attractive? Is cheating the worst thing that could ever happen in your life? Write all those rules and ideas down. Then tell yourself, all these rules keep my OCD alive, but I will not listen to them but live my life how I want. And even if I cheat or get cheated on, even if this phase continues, even if he is not the one and I waste my time, even if the worst thing happens to me, I can handle it and I accept myself regardless. Unconditional self acceptance is key to OCD recovery. You need to face your worst fear and realize that you can't stop it from possibly happening, but you can controll how you think about yourself and be kind to yourself. Realize your strength :)

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch I see, some things like the possibility of me not being over someone from the past feel like it would be the end of the world if they were true so I see what you’re saying. That’s really good advice! :)

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

Also my cat keeps trying to rub against me and I just don’t want to be touched rn and it’s really stressing my out so I kind of gently pushed her out of the way and I feel bad because what if I’m an abuser and I just don’t know what to do

spookycupcake

Date posted: 2y

@spookycupcake Like what if I pushed her too hard

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issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

HELP PLS I NEED ADVICE

Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞

Just trying ...

Date posted: 13w

I’m wondering if anyone has any insight or tips

So recently I have been talking to this guy and I really like him and for the past week I felt really good and happy about it, but then a sneaky intrusive thought popped up about what if in the future when and if the time comes to sleep in the same bed, I inappropriately touch him while he’s sleeping. Now I’ve struggled with sexual intrusive thoughts like that before so my brain just kept reminding me of how that thought felt the last time it came up, and the thoughts of sexually harming this person started snowballing and making me feel worse and worse. I spent most of the day crying and panicking wishing my brain could just shut down, and now all I want to do is hide from this person so I don’t get the chance to hurt him, which makes me feel even worse because I had been feeling so good about him just the other day. I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this and if they might have any insight

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