Help!

I need some encouragement… I’m marrying my fiancée soon and I am so happy we have got to this stage, I had been worrying that my ocd would get the best of me in the past and the fact we’re still here and moving forward is a dream come true! However, I guess I grew up being taught that physical attraction and ‘chemistry’ was the main importance in a relationship, in the past I would go for people based of a so called ‘spark’ believing it to mean they’re the one or that it was a sign from the universe whereas now my beliefs have changed significantly and I know it’s just hormones / attraction. I have genuinely got the strongest bond with my partner I can’t explain the strength of love I have got him but he is my favourite person. But it’s different to anything I would have imagined , it’s not been sparky and I have had issues with shallow things like us being the same height/ questioning if the lack of spark would be an issue in our relationship. I have intrusive thoughts about another person I saw in the street who I found attractive and I can’t stop thinking about them and I know that’s part of my ocd obsessions but it makes me feel so guilty. I googled if a relationship can work when it’s not based of physical attraction and the answers were resounding no’s , lots of people saying that it’s selfish to continue and they felt sorry for anyone in a relationship with a person who didn’t feel extremely physically attracted. I know that I’m never going to end things with my partner and I know I love him ridiculous amounts to the point it hurts when I think of anything going wrong for him , I care about him more than anyone else. I strongly believe that superficial sexual attraction and sparks are not important when it comes to a long term relationship but friendship , intimacy and love from the soul is what counts but I’m scared I’m being unrealistic based on what society says?

Relationship OCD

athoughtisju...

Date posted: 1y ago

Honestly mama, fuck society. There is no correct way to be in a relationship and you would not be MARRYING someone (like omg congrats) if you didn’t believe or know that on some level. Everyone is different! It’s so awesome you have gotten this far and you can do this!!! Attraction varies and nobody feels attracted 100% of the time ❤️ u can do hard things :)

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Oh wow I love your positivity so much you’ve made me feel instantly relieved you have no idea ☺️ thanks , I wish you happiness 🙏🏻

Sunshine&flo...

Date posted: 1y ago

I am having the same struggle with attraction and wondering if I'm in love with my bf enough to eventually get engaged. We have talked about marriage but I get hung up on the attraction thing every time. It wasn't really sparky for me either. But I love my bf for other reasons- because of who he is and how well he treats me. I try to look at it this way- you don't marry a handsome face- you marry the person behind the face. I grew up learning that being in love meant physical attraction and fireworks every time you saw the person. But for some ppl it's just different. For some, a relationship doesn't start out that way. For some, the relationship isn't about the physical attraction but more about the values shared, the understanding and being able to be yourself with that person. Sending hugs your way. I know how hard this is! I'm not engaged yet, but going through the fears right now too.

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 1y ago

@Sunshineflowers7 I’m sorry you are going through this too , we’re in this together which provides some comfort though , I know this is the truth and it doesn’t help i keep seeing ‘red pill’ videos all over social media stating women are hypergamous and that we always ‘date up’ we’re programmed to look for the best etc which makes me think it’s biological but et the same time I don’t agree with these videos morally :( anyway you have got this and I wish you a very happy fulfilled marriage , to have shared values and love someone on a deep level is what most people are missing and what they dream of and we have that part !

Keepongoing

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I have the same struggle and I sometimes like to think about when people are old and have been together for years ofc you still think the other is a beautiful person but you don’t need physical attraction 24/7 to have a beautiful relationship

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 1y ago

@Keepongoing Yes very true! I’m in complete agreement but my ocd still picks up on this, and I struggle to not listen to strangers advice on the internet which is negative.

Keepongoing

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Tillyyyx I completely understand! That’s why reassurance doesn’t work with ocd :/ I wish it did

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Elliesmith

Date posted: 13w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Doopydoowa

Date posted: 5w ago

Just need relationship advice

Hey everyone, I’m having a real rough go of it at the moment. I’m not even sure if this is ocd related, but I definitely need some advice. I’ve been with my bf for 5 months. He is amazing, supportive, and I just really love him. This is my first long term relationship, so it’s come with challenges, including some really intense relationship anxiety. He’s got a good deal of female friends, which I’m fine with. I don’t mind him talking about his female friends at all. I feel like he often brings up this one girl in conversation. Like it’s not every time, but it’s enough that I think he’s fond of her as a friend. However, I’ve developed this pretty intense fear that he likes her. Like isn’t there some sort of saying that if someone talks about someone alot, they like them?? She dates his best friend/roommate. He seems fine with them dating and is happy for them. I don’t really know exactly why I am worried, but this definitely makes me feel insecure. I am remember him telling me at the beginning of the relationship that his friends figured out that he liked me so much because he talked about me alot. So I guess my mind sort of connects the dots to her, thinking that because he sometimes will bring her up, for sometimes what I believe, for no good reason. And I’ll say that it’s not like there isn’t reason, and it’s completely random, I just feel like I’m convincing myself that it’s a concern. I also hyperanalyze their interactions when he’s around her. Like he likes to joke with her and stuff like that. It does make me feel insecure, even though I have guy friends that I’m super fond of and joke with a good deal (very hypocritical of me). I’m just very confused. I don’t want to be stupid and blind and disregard this, so I guess that that is the grand fear, but I also tend to over analyze, over think, and think the absolute worse, sooooo I

Relationship OCD

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