Heightened sense of purity and going too far as a Christian.

I’m a Christian and I’m in my first relationship, often feeling guilty/uncomfortable with various things in relation to sexual purity. I’m struggling to know when things are OCD or genuine conviction. Any advice on how to know?

I just recently realized that this whole thing with asking about my partner’s past was a compulsion. At the time, I thought that the more I knew about his sexual past, the better I’d feel. I genuinely believed that having all the answers would bring me peace. But the opposite happened. The more I learned, and the more I pushed for specifics, the more it hurt. I pushed him to give me really detailed answers—and now I feel like my OCD has so much ammunition because of it. Now I’m trying to stop asking, stop analyzing, and stop hyper-fixating. Even though I feel intense discomfort and anxiety, I’ve been doing my best to sit with it and not give in. But my mind still races—it imagines him with those people, replays things I know, questions how graphic or emotional those moments were. It’s torture. And what’s hardest is that my partner has reassured me over and over that he’s never felt for anyone what he feels for me. We’ve committed our relationship to God, we got baptized, and we’re planning to get married. But the damage from all of the questioning and the OCD spirals has taken a toll. Now when I bring things up—even if it’s not about the past—he assumes it is. And it ruins date nights or intimate moments. It’s like this issue has taken over everything. We both love each other. We’re not giving up. We’re in therapy, and we’re trying. But it’s heavy. It’s draining us both. And I don’t feel like I’m choosing this—this feels like something I’m suffering through, not something I’m doing on purpose. He’s starting to understand that more, but I know his patience is running thin. So I guess I’m just asking… has anyone else gone through something like this? Has anyone pushed for too much information and then felt stuck—like you know too much and can’t go back? How do you rebuild your relationship when anxiety and OCD have already caused so much damage? Any encouragement, tips, or even just hearing that I’m not alone would really mean a lot.

Hey guys, just responded to a post about someone having their ROCD struggles and thought I might share in other groups as well in case it helps. While not everyone has ROCD, maybe some of my message can help others with this battle if it’s not something you guys already know. Maybe some of you guys can add your own thoughts as well. I’d encourage you guys to read my message even if you don’t share the Christian faith as I do. I encourage you guys further to read the Bible yourselves (what does it even say, anyway?). I’m only just a newbie to it, too, but it has helped a lot. The context: This is a response to someone who’s having guilt about their thoughts, partly because it goes against their faith. Anyway, here it goes: I can empathize and relate, especially when faith starts being thrown into the intrusive thought loop. My suggestion is to live your life according to your faith and your values, not your thoughts or feelings. Previously you might have used your thoughts and feelings to guide you as a compass, but try making God and His teachings your compass instead. Read the Bible, heck read it with your partner- that might help with feeling connected with him. Live your life according to your morals, not the world as “the heart is deceitful” (Jeremiah, 17:9) and the world has a way of demonizing certain relationship struggles (“you should be attracted to your partner”, “you shouldn’t question your relationship”, “you should have the same interests as your partner”, “you shouldn’t feel abc because it means xyz”). Make yourself a list for all the things you like about your partner, continually add/review them, and you will relearn to feel the feeling of appreciating them. What qualities about your relationship/partner have you enjoyed/make you stay? Love and loving relationships are built, not found. Notice how the reasons why you “don’t love” or “shouldn’t be with your partner” go against what God would want for you and are shallow lies from the world disguised as truths. Challenge these beliefs you’ve heard/held about relationships that are sabotaging yours. Have you considered maybe God wants you to stay with a loving partner who is good to you and cares for you? (assuming your bf is.) And lastly, find a therapist who SPECIALIZES in ocd. I’ve tried therapists who didn’t know what it was and not only were they unable to support me in the way I needed it but they kept unknowingly feeding my doubts. You are not a bad person or bad partner for having these thoughts. If you have not physically acted on your distressing thoughts, this is an extremely good sign. The fact that you know it’s wrong is a very good thing. Keep trying, even if you lose hope. Best of luck