- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Struggling a little bit today
Hi everyone. I’ve been doing really well for the past 3 weeks or so. I’ve been doing a lot of ERP and I’ve been utilizing my tools well. I’ve felt amazing- I’ve had very few intrusive thoughts, and when I do I’m able to shake them off easier than in the past. A couple of days ago I got really triggered (I don’t even remember what the trigger was), and I’ve been an anxious mess ever since. I’ve been dealing with SO OCD for about a year and a half now, and every time I have a good stretch and then a “fall down” it makes me realize just how chronic OCD is (and makes me wonder if I’ll ever recover). I’m convinced that I’m not straight, and while I am doing a good job not trying to figure it out or ruminate about it, it makes me sad. All I want is to exclusively love and be attracted to women, but maybe that isn’t my story. Remembering what it was like to feel confident in your sexuality and be attracted to people you wanted to be attracted to makes me sad, as I don’t know if I’ll ever get there again. I struggle with logical fallacies such as “you acknowledged that man is attractive so you must be attracted to him; therefore, you aren’t straight.” I know this isn’t necessarily true, but I’m my OCD makes it feel like a certainty. I guess I’m just posting today to let everyone else know that you aren’t alone. OCD will make you believe anything. And while I’m not sure if the thoughts are correct in this moment, I’m just going to keep utilizing my tools- because that’s the only thing that gives me a chance of feeling like myself again. I’m glad we have this community. You’ve got this.