I hate my life.

This is gonna be a long post, but it needs to be said. Recently, I've been struggling with my mental health. I'm twenty-four years old and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. Two months ago I quit my job because I was not enjoying it anymore and felt like I wasn't making any progress. Since then, I've been really struggling to find another job. I graduated from university last year and I haven't made any progress. I see people around my age accomplishing/hitting milestones pertaining to social media, getting married, buying a house, and having a baby. Since I've been depressed, my intrusive thoughts have become bigger. I struggle with pure OCD. and struggle a lot during the mornings when I wake up. I look at my life in shame because every time I try to make myself feel better or do a little self-care, there's that voice saying that I don't deserve it. I don't have any friends where I live, so I'm at home a lot of the time. A few weeks ago I got rejected from two jobs that I really wanted and I had a huge mental breakdown where it's triggering to even look at job postings right now. I'm thankful that I live with my parents but I wish I was more independent like people that I know personally. I'm having regrets about quitting my job back in April but I was really miserable working there. Because of my OCD and everything that is happening in my life right now, I starting to feel like my life is not worth living anymore. I am in counselling which helps, but I'm just so overwhelmingly sad because I'm lonely. I'm twenty-four now and I'm turning twenty-five in September and I've decided to stop celebrating my birthday because, to be honest, I don't have anybody to celebrate it with. I'm just never been lucky and I feel like the more lonely Im gonna get, the more intrusive thoughts are gonna get piled up. I just need someone to talk to.

"Pure" OCD

Aermon

Date posted: 2y

I'm feeling the exact same way. I feel stuck from agoraphobia and my thoughts. It's hard to get a job and watching everyone get done with uni get jobs some people get married. It's scary feeling you are missing milestone after milestone. I feel alone and also have to live with family. It feels like everyone is judging while you try and piece our life back together. You aren't alone and it's rough. We can get through this our mind has dealt with more. Life is hard but we keep going in the pursuit of better days.

AnimalsFriend

Date posted: 2y

Hi there. I'm in my upper twenties and also have OCD. When I was 23 I was let go from a job, not because of what I was doing but because something happened that made my position no longer relevant. At the time I was living with my parents (so grateful for their support through that season!) and can relate to your story there. I couldn't find full time work for the rest of that year in my profession. I felt worthless. I remember comparing myself to the peers I graduated with and it was a very dark time for me (this is before I was diagnosed with OCD). What I learned from that dark time was an important reminder. Please don't compare yourself to the milestones of others! We each run our own "race" and if your milestones come later or look different that's OK. Also, though it is easy to see the highlights of someone's life on social media, you won't see their low times. We all have our own battles, but those too will look different for each person. An introspective rhetorical question I'd like to ask is, what, at your core, do you believe gives you value? Do you believe it is unchangeable? I don't mean for work, but just as you are. So often I'm caught up in my actions and mistakes, but while important, my actions don't make my worth as a person more or less. My value simply is given to me because I am a human being. Like a $20 bill can be tattered and dirty and still worth the same, this applies to my intrinsic and inherent worth. You, too, have this same inherent value even if you and others don't see it. Personally, I trust Jesus. His life demonstrated how great our worth is in the way he treated people, especially the outcasts and oppressed, and forgave those who put him to death, and came back to life again. Keep your chin up! Keep going to therapy and practicing ERP! OCD is painful but not unbeatable. Being a 20-something adult is hard. Friendships are more difficult to cultivate is what I'm finding. I have to be much more intentional and even still, most of my good friends are a few of my family members or from my college time and don't live near me now. I'd encourage you to still do things you enjoy on your 25th birthday. It doesn't have to be an all out big deal if celebrations aren't your thing, but maybe you and your family can find something to enjoy together. For my latest birthday I flew to be with family and we went on a walk outside, a was asked what flavor cake I wanted, and I read aloud a few chapters from a book with my dad (sounds childish but if it's a good story like the Hobbit for example, why not? This actually became a little habit when I was laid off and bored and lonely at home. I still enjoy these times to wind down with a cup of tea and a good book with my dad). Praying for you.

KJ100

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. A couple things that might help: 1. Your life is always worth living. You’re in a rough patch and you’ll get through it (even though I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way) 2. Most of what you see on social media is highly doctored and rarely represents reality… people make everything look much better than things actually are. You’re probably doing better than you think you are and ‘they’re’ probably doing a lot worse than you think they are. Remember that comparisons are the thief of joy. 3. It helps me to try and look and move forward when times get tough (Looking behind me and questioning decisions I’ve made usually just causes anxiety because I can’t do anything about the past). You’ll find another job- it’s just a matter of time and hopefully one you’ll actually enjoy. Keeping you in my prayers! Hang in there.

winterdays

Date posted: 23w

A really crappy year.

Sorry for the long post but I really need to vent. It’s really not a good period. It hasn’t been for a year now. There have been highs and lows, but the truth is I never addressed my problems, never tried to solve them but just pretended they weren’t there. I reached my lowest point this time last year, my OCD had never been worse, I was extremely burnt-out and couldn’t study anymore. And since then, I haven’t been able to study. Everytime I try I get a panic attack. OCD gets better then it gets worse. I probably have ADHD as well, and my parents probably still believe I’m making it all up. They tell me to “try harder” but I really, really can’t, and I’ve tried. And let’s add to all this all the people who have broken my heart, both exes and friends; and they just go on with their lives like they didn’t break me. I also had to quit my job (where they treated me like crap) and had to listen to them tell me that I’m an egoistic person and other awful things I will not say. Yeah, this last year has been the worst. I have come to the point where I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend everything is fine. I’ve come to the point where I can’t leave the house without having panic attacks and fearing I’m going to die. This Monday I have my first appointment with a therapist. I’m a pessimist person usually but this time I feel hopeful. Maybe because I think it can’t get worse than this.

Young adults with OCD

shirleyCstar

Date posted: 22w

Advice and Unbiased Opinions Please!!!

This isn’t OCD related so I’m sorry, but I don’t know another platform like this where I can talk to other people and actually get responses. OCD has been a huge fucking setback for me in life. I had to drop classes, wasn’t able to do things, and just felt so shitty all the time because of it. I feel like I blame OCD for everything I’m not. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. Just today I saw someone I once knew and felt all of those feelings I used to have that made me miserable. Anyways, I tried taking my driver’s test a couple days ago but I wasn’t able to. The DMV only accepted cash. I felt upset but it was whatever. I’m almost 19, and I don’t have a driver’s license. So passing it would mean a lot to me. I compare myself to others my age; they have cars, hobbies, friends, go to college, etc… I don’t have any of that. Maybe comparing myself and all of that is my fault. My family says it’s my fault I’m sad because I just wallow in it. Hearing them say that makes me frustrated and hurt, but maybe they’re right. My mom texted a couple of my siblings in a group chat I wasn’t a part of, “He wants to wallow and be depressed. And woe is me, wah wah wah.” That made me really angry because my siblings were agreeing with her. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am selfish and think the world revolves around me. My sister tells me I need to advocate for myself more, I just don’t want to be a burden. I’ve only been a burden my whole life. My OCD created this whole issue in my family and I hate that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want an answer. Am I really a loser? Do I really wallow in it? Am I not trying like my family says? I just want to talk to someone.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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I hate my life.

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