HOCD thoughts are tiring 😓

Before anyone reads this please be aware that this can be triggering and some 18+ content is mentioned on here. So I have been recently experiencing HOCD, been experiencing it for a few weeks now (it’s very new to me and something Ive never dealt with). My whole life I have never liked a girl nor have I ever had a crush or fell in love with a girl like I do with men. But just like everyone whenever people get into heat sometimes we watch things to pleasure ourselves. Well for me it’s always been lesbian love and have been doing that for years. There have been times where I go “am I bi” but then I would try to imagine myself with a women sexually and romantically and I would just cringe at the idea of it so I would just tell myself that I don’t and just carry on with my everyday life. But a few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about this and I explained to them that I am not bi because I would simply see lesbian love as something that I can relate to because of how women pleasure themselves can be relatable and because I said that my friend decides to make a comment saying ”idk maybe you are bi or not, you never know until you try” and for some reason that got in my head and for 2 weeks straight I was having non stop thoughts about my sexuality and trying to imagine myself with a girl and I would always cringe but there were times where it felt like “maybe I do want that” and I would panic again because I don’t want that and it’s not me but yet it feels like I’m lying to myself when I know deep down I’m straight. I also forgot to mention that I am in a relationship with my boyfriend and he’s literally everything to me. But during those two weeks I had lack of sleep and constant mental breakdowns because I don’t wanna be bi and I would panic whenever I felt calm and say things like ”it’s okay to be bi just be bi” it also didn’t help that so many of my friends were telling me that nothing is wrong with being bi and to not drop the idea fully. Like I know sexuality isn’t wrong but I want to drop the idea because I myself know deep down I’m straight but ofc my brain goes “nope you’re just tryna convince yourself”. It also ruins me enjoying my relationship because of these thoughts (as well as some ROCD thoughts). Idk I am just struggling with letting the thoughts in and trying not to analyze them or act on them. It’s very tiring 🥺 Like even rn I feel calm having these thoughts and it freaks me out a lil cause it makes me think that it’s true 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry, I know how triggering it is to hear things like that :’( I get why it’s making you spiral, and my advice is to acknowledge the thoughts as they come, but you don’t have to accept the content of them. The content of your thoughts is actually irrelevant bc it’s the way you respond to it that fuels OCD. When you push it away or fight back, this tells your brain that the thought is 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 and it’ll keep sending it to you over and over. The only way to reduce its power is by not giving it the attention it wants and continue living life. This theme truly sucks and I fully understand your pain, you’re not alone 🩷

Username: Fr0ggy Fr0ggy

Date posted: 1y ago

@blazed Wdym by not accept the content like do I just accept that the thought is there and let it in but act as if I don’t care?

Username: Fr0ggy Fr0ggy

Date posted: 1y ago

@blazed Because I struggle with letting the thought in and act as if I don’t care. I also struggle with the difference between not accepting the content and just letting the thought come in. I don’t know if that made any sense lol.

Username: LaloCD6LaloCD6

Date posted: 1y ago

I know what you going through cause I used to have sometimes fantaisies about women when I was pleasuring myself and even tried the label bi for a time cause I used to think that it necessarily meant something that I was sometimes pleasuring myself with these thoughts plus I really found women pretty but the fact is I even tried with a woman and hated it like I legit became traumatised and still continue identified as bi after that cause honestly I just feel like being a part of a community makes me feel valid but know I realised with SO-OCD that I never want to end with a woman ever and that I am traumatised by the sex with a woman so I can’t be bi or whatever but straight… But OCD loves to attach on that kinds of things like "haha you’re in denial cause you like lesbian porn" or whatever or "you already questioned if you were bi that must mean something" don’t listen to them… The fact is maybe you just prefer lesbian porn/ story or whatever because the women are more "soft" or know the women’s body better and it’s most centred on the pleasure than het porn ect this has nothing to do with your sexuality ! No one can tell you your sexuality but you and no you don’t need to try to be sure !

Username: OcdiscringeOcdiscringe

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm sorry you're going through this... SOOCD is really hellish

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

This can feel so hard. So many people with OCD struggle with this theme. You are not alone. Your friend's response sounds perfectly like a good ERP response- though it caused you distress- it is having you sit in uncertainty. The thing with OCD is that you will never be able to get enough reassurance that you are not bi. You will never feel 'sure' enough because that is how OCD works. The irony is that the more you allow the uncertainty, the less you worry about it. Check this out-https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/soocd-thoughts-and-symptoms

Username: mariaxx

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: hlm2

Date posted: 2y ago

Hocd

So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Bse393837

Date posted: 2y ago

Clueless

I’ve struggled with HOCD for 4 years now and it’s awful. It started with a dream, and now it’s all I think about. Whenever my brain tries to tell me I’m in denial, I tell myself that the volume and severity of the thoughts I’m having aren’t normal which makes me feel a little better. I’m a woman who has always liked men, I’ve had INTENSE crushes on guys in the past. Even with HOCD I still have crushes. But lately it feels like I’m not even attracted to guys anymore - any time I see a pretty girl I check and see if there’s any sort of physical sensation accompanying it and sometimes there is. I don’t get turned on during sex anymore and I constantly attribute that to being possibly gay. It’s terrifying and I worry that my fears will come true if I don’t fight the thoughts, but they keep coming. I have no aversion to the LGBTQ+ community at all, I completely support them, but if I was lesbian it would erase all of what I’ve ever known about myself and that is what scares me. I used to hate being so boy crazy but now I want that back just so I don’t have to deal with these thoughts anymore. I go to therapy and take medication but don’t really talk about the thoughts out of the fear that acknowledging them out loud makes them true. I know I’m not alone, so if you’re also struggling with HOCD I hear you. <3

Sexual Orientation OCD

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HOCD thoughts are tiring 😓

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