Dont know what to do. Need to vent.

My contamination ocd and germophobia are at an all time high. Theyve never been this bad and when i say bad i mean just the thought of or looking at something can trigger me. I live with my parents and im an only child. We very rarely have guests maybe every few years. With that being said ive hardly ever had to share a bathroom. The layout of the houses extra rooms are 2 rooms across from each other and a bathroom in the middle. My dad is having his friend come live with us who will be staying in the room across from mine which means he will be using my bathroom. When i tell you i dont know what to do i truly dont know what im going to do. Just from me using the bathroom myself i have to disinfect it. Sometimes multiple times a night. Now im going to have some older man who is a complete stranger who frankly doesnt look like a very clean person and looks like he could be my grandpa from the few minutes i met him around my personal items and using my shower, etc. On top of that i spend a lot of time in the bathroom washing my hands, disinfecting things, going in and out of it constantly at night esp before and after i take a shower which i try to take as late as possible to avoid having to leave the bathroom and room area again. I take a lot of time having to feel clean before i can put my pjs on and get in bed and im by myself on the other side of the house so i usually dont have to cover up or anything i can just go freely from my room to the bathroom until im finally content and can wash my hands one last time before i go to bed. Now im going to have a strange man right next to me and its going to throw off every single thing i do. This man is basically contaminating my entire life. Im sorry if that sounds mean but its true and i really dont know what to do. I dont know how im going to get through this at all. Im crying just typing this and my anxiety is through the roof which is in turn is all making me feel dirty. Btw my parents have 0 compassion and said they dont care at all and if i dont like it i can move out. I dont expect them to cater to me but at least pretend like you care a little about how im feeling. Just wanted to share with people who would understand. Thanks.

Contamination OCD

21Timelords

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry you’re going through this…just reading this made me feel anxious lol, I would be so stressed out in that situation. Your feelings are completely valid, and it sucks that your parents aren’t very empathetic. But you will get through this, even though it’s going to be really hard!

anonymousbc

Date posted: 1y ago

@21Timelords Lol im really not trying to be mean either and maybe its just my privledge of never having to share a bathroom but neither of those things change the fact that im legit freaking out. If somehow we didnt have to use the same bathroom i wouldnt care but i feel like im getting an unwanted roommate who just so happens to be an older gentlemen who i dont know. If it was someone i knew and was comfortable around i would feel better. He seems very nice so maybe he will prove me wrong but i just feel like he has the potential to be a slob.

OCDEB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I would feel exactly the same way. Could you reach out to a therapist to help you through this?

anonymousbc

Date posted: 1y ago

@OCDEB Thank you. I really do feel silly and mean but i cant help it. I scheduled a call on here tonight so im going to try!

anonymousbc

Date posted: 1y ago

Its not even just these things either its the fear of him noticing too. I dont want him to feel unwelcome or think im rude if he sees me wiping the door handles lol im not really worried hes going to be touching my stuff but just the fact that we have to share the same space i typically find clean and to my liking is making it worse. All i really do is wipe down any handles and wash my hands a lot but now i feel like the entire bathroom is going to be dirty and im going to have to take more time while also sharing the space.

EllieH95

Date posted: 23w ago

How do you do ERP without spiraling?

I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.

Contamination OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w ago

My partners mad because of my OCD

Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /:

findingmyway1

Date posted: 12w ago

Never thought I would be writing this.

Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.

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Dont know what to do. Need to vent.

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