Hiya. Back again. I know it can get a little heavy on the heart and mind to scroll through this thread, so allow this post to be a breath of fresh air.
I posted last week, I think, about my progress with ROCD, and I’m here again now because I have a few more insights I would like to share with y’all that have stopped me from completely spiraling or getting too in my head.
Please note that everyone and every relationship is different, so what works for me may not work for you. I’ve just found these to work best for my situation.
Your relationship isn’t like anyone else’s. I think sometimes about how other people’s relationships don’t work out, how some people break up for no reason sometimes, and how if I experience similar feelings or events, then that would mean I’d also have to break up with my partner. No. You are two unique people and your relationship is something that cannot be replicated. Your relationship cannot be compared to your friends’ or influencers’, and we know how easy it is to do that with social media. Avoid the temptation to play the comparison game with yours.
If this is a healthy relationship otherwise, why would you leave it? The answer to this is usually, “I don’t know.” or, “I just want to stop hurting.” You might feel that liberation for a while… but then the ROCD will come back in the new relationship. See how avoiding the problem becomes a vicious cycle? We often take what we have currently for granted.
Feelings lie to you. Feelings are volatile. Emotions are volatile.
You cannot have one thing without the opposite of it existing. Life cannot exist without the possibility of death. Beginnings cannot exist without the inevitability of an end. If you are willing to think, “Oh, what if we break up? What if they’re not the right person? What if I can’t handle this anymore? What if they leave me?” You also have to be willing to counter those with this: “What if we stay together? What if they are the right person? What if I’m strong enough to? What if they choose to stay?” Remember that breaking up or staying both cause pain, just different kinds; you have to decide which one you will put up with.
Nothing is permanent. This is a dual edged sword, but it aligns with the previous point. Anxiety has a way of making small things feel like the end of the world. However, this mindset means that this feeling isn’t permanent. You won’t feel this way forever because you can’t. People are dynamic, the world changes, situations change.
No matter what happens, you have to trust that you will be okay. Think about one instance in your past that made you super sad. Think about the good days you have experienced afterwards after you’ve processed and coped with that pain. Think about where you are now. You made it out okay, even if then it felt like the end of the world. Being comfortable with the uncertainty of the future that comes with your once-ever existence and simply trying to ground yourself and be in the present moment with your partner will help liberate you from the self-constructed prison in your mind.
You love your partner to the point where you are willing to get better for them. If you ever feel like you’re ‘falling out of love’ but have this ineffable affinity towards trying to understand why things feel off and how to try and fix it, it means you really care about them. People who truly don’t care do not care to find out why they feel this way and they most especially do not try to fix it.
Now, these are just a few of many insights I‘ve learned to tell myself whenever I feel myself start to get a little anxious. There are many podcasts, books, and threads like these to help you heal. Remember that even though there are people on the internet here for you, and that you’re not alone, the journey to healing can still feel lonely— and that’s okay. It won’t be permanent. You are doing amazing by taking the first steps to becoming self-aware and finding ways to helping yourself.
And, honestly? When all else fails, put the phone down, and try taking a nap. Might not be the most helpful for those of you who are troubled with anxiety-induced insomnia, but worth a shot to hit the reset button and clear your mind so that maybe you can sort things out in your head more rationally.
Hope this helps. Best of luck!!
