It makes me feel super isolated when I have to function happy around others and have panic and crying sessions when I’m alone

I’m glad you’re in an environment like that:) I don’t really have the ability to be open about it since my mother turns a blind eye to any flaws in me because she wants me to always act happy, my brother, who I told, considers it much less than what it is and acts unintentionally careless which hurts cause I trust him the most, and my friends wouldn’t be able to comfort me or would feel awkward and it’ll just ruin everything

When I'm around others I just do my best. If I can't be fully happy, I'm open with how I'm feeling and they accept it. I hope that you have people around you that accept you for who you are, and I encourage you to seek out that system if you don't have it already.

I totally relate to that. It’s so hard to feel like people actually care because they don’t understand. I have never opened up to my mom about anything, ever. I’ve always been shamed for it. This time, I decided to tell her because it was just so bad. My mom tries her best to understand and knows what I’m going through, but even though she knows, I still feel alone and isolated. OCD just keeps to trapped in your own mind and because other people can’t live in your mind with you, it makes you feel so alone. That’s why this forum is so helpful because you’re seeing the little thoughts you can’t explain being explained by other people. It makes you feel a little at peace when it’s not reassurance.

I relate. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to appear functional in front of other people. If anyone ever notices I seem off I’m self conscious the rest of the time that I’m not hiding it well enough and I try to act more outgoing. I think of my mental health issues as my burden and mine alone. I’ve only opened up to a select few people (like 2) outside of my therapist and I don’t give them the full picture because I don’t want them to worry. It’s isolating. But this community helps me see I’m not really alone.

Ik