- Date posted
- 2y
Introduction.
Hi, my name is Dedric Silva and I'm from Point Pleasant, WV. I'm 26 years old and I've had OCD for 10 years. It all started with Contamination OCD which I was a sophomore in High School, I washed my hands constantly to the point it dries out and burns easily. This time lasted for 3 years and eventually I overcame that theme. In 2018, I had my first intrusive thought and my theme was Sexual Orientation OCD as my fear at the time was What If I was Gay. It lasted for only a year and eventually I overcame it because I accepted that I wouldn't have a problem if I was gay, but I just don't like Men like that. For a little bit I had Harm OCD where I had fears what if I was to hurt or kill someone when I would never do that ever. It didn't last long and that theme was overcome. But since 2019, I have been battling the scariest theme yet and that is POCD. This OCD theme has been stuck with me as that is my huge fear, my fear is what if I became a Pedophile suddenly when I know in my heart I'm not. This fear has caused me intense anxiety and depressed me for a long time. Since February 2023, I have also been battling two more OCD Themes and that's Real Event OCD and False Memory OCD and they're both connected to POCD. My False Memory Obsessions right now are "What if I harmed a child or a teen in the past?" And my second False Memory Obsession is "What if I saw porn on them?" These two never happened but it still scares me, I literally had to keep replaying the past to check what really happen and I could not find evidence. Now I do have good photographic memory and I usually do remember everything, but these two False Memory obsessions I don't remember and that's where I get anxious and scared. My Real Event OCD is due to my Masturbation addiction, now I don't do Porn as I hate that junk, I don't fantasize in my head because I don't like it either even though I'm attracted to Women. I used to Masturbate simply to relieve stress, but over the years my OCD worsen because of it and I was the verge suicide as I got scared thinking "What if my fear came true?" I had a lot of meltdowns this year and it's been non stop to the point my grandma and mom had to calm me down. I kept saying along the lines of "I'm a horrible person" or "I'm scared my fear might have come true" and even saying "I can't do this anymore, I don't want to go to prison" I know there's others out here that has these three OCD themes right now and I'm looking forward to getting to know others that are going through the same thing. I'm actually going to see my local OCD Specialist this Friday and I'm looking forward to it because the last therapists I had didn't go well and didn't understand my struggles with OCD. I'm looking forward to finally being on this journey more open then ever and interact with those that are going through it.