Is this Real Event OCD?

I’m grateful I found this community and could really use some help. I know I have OCD, but I’m not sure if this would be considered real event OCD. I feel guilty for telling myself it’s real event OCD, when maybe it’s just the natural consequences of my actions, and I’m trying to escape them by just telling myself it’s real event OCD. About a year ago, I did something that was actually awful. I felt extremely guilty and punished myself for a long time (still do). It threw me into so much despair and depression. I lost myself for a while, my life actually fell apart. I went to therapy, at a certain point my therapist told me I need to stop punishing myself and I just need to let it go. I don’t believe her though, I question if she just was sick of listening to me talk about the same thing. I feel like a moral failure. And well here I am still suffering daily from ruminating over this past event. I’ll wake up feeling sick to my stomach, cry almost everyday just thinking about what a bad person I am, replaying all the terrible details over and over again. I feel like I deserve this though. I’m constantly confessing to those I trust and seeking reassurance. They tell me my reaction at this point isn’t normal and I need to get help. I know what I did should make me feel guilty and shameful because it was. But it’s starting to ruin my life and I can’t keep living like this anymore.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

This sounds like real event OCD to me, especially if you have a history with OCD obsessions. Do you have a therapist who specializes in OCD?

daisy02

Date posted: 2y

@Northern_Downpour That’s what I’m thinking too, I know I’m definitely ruminating out of control. Other people have told me the amount of guilt I’m feeling isn’t normal. I wish, unfortunately right now therapy isn’t affordable for me. I’m trying my best to learn what I can about ERP and OCD. I’m hoping connecting on here will also make me feel less alone.

GreenPixie

Date posted: 2y

@daisy02 You're describing what I'm dealing with PERFECTLY! I too have been reassured and then after a brief period of relief, I'm not sure if other people ate being sincere in their reassurance or if I should still worry. I've even come up with what I thought were solid reasons to stop obsessing but those reasons lose their strength in a matter of days or less. Right now I'm on a higher dosage of my prescription waiting and praying for relief. Are you taking anything? I wish I didn't feel the need for a prescription but unfortunately I do need it. Right now it's my life jacket.😔

daisy02

Date posted: 2y

@GreenPixie Oh my gosh, me too! I’ll also come with solid reasons to stop obsessing. I’ll go over the same reasons, have the same conversation in my head and come to the same conclusion. Then I’ll let it go until it comes back up and I do the same thing all over again. It’s been mentally exhausting. I’m pretty sure I’m just doing mental compulsions at this point. Thank you for commenting, it helps knowing I’m not alone. Right now I’m not taking any meds, but I’ve seriously been considering because I don’t want to keep suffering like this. I might need a life jacket too. I’m glad yours have helped, hoping you start to feel better soon! I know how absolutely awful it can be

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