- Date posted
- 2y
New Here
Hey guys, I’ve struggled pretty bad with anxiety the past few years due to circumstances in my life (deaths, financial struggles, family issues). Growing up, it felt like my life was normal and nothing really bad happened, so I had no worries. It seems like a lot more struggles have gained during adulthood, and these things have compounded and really hurt my mental health. I worry about how something will go wrong as a way to mentally prepare myself if something bad does happen. I’ve felt like anxiety has been a problem for me, but something got worse in me the past week and I feel like I might have OCD. I’ve been having these awful sexual intrusive thoughts that have never crossed my mind. I know this is not me and something I would never do, but the fact that this thought popped in my head has sent me into a spiral. It seems like the fact that I’m so stressed about it causes this thought to continuously come back, a never ending cycle. I can’t even enjoy myself lately because if I just sit down relaxing, it seems like the thoughts just come back. I’m at a point where I look forward to sleeping at night because my brain is turned off. I’ve never even considered therapy in my life, but these thoughts are messing with me so bad that I feel like I need to consider it. I know these thoughts aren’t me, but there’s a small voice in my head that keeps saying "what if” and I just can’t seem to shake it. I feel really isolated because I’m the type of person who can’t hold things in and need to get them off my chest. But if I got these things off my chest, then it would severely damage my relationships with a lot of people, especially my family. There are some things they just do not need to know, especially if it involves them or someone they love. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a few really big and stressful life events (like a family member having a big surgery, an important dr’s appointment for someone else) and I was really stressing and anxious about these things in the weeks leading up to it, which I feel is normal. The great news is that everything went well on all fronts, so I should be relieved and usually I would be. But all of a sudden, these intrusive thoughts have taken over and I can’t enjoy myself or how good things are in my life right now. Idk the point of me typing all of this, I guess it just feels like a tiny bit of relief to put this out there for others to read since I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with people I know. I truly hope this gets better and these thoughts can eventually go away and allow me to live my life. I can’t live like this for a long period of time, so something has to be done. I used to be able to brush off an intrusive thought as "oh, that was weird” and move on without dwelling on it. But now all of a sudden, I can’t do that. I have a new respect for people who suffer from OCD, depression, and anxiety and I truly hope and pray that anyone reading this will be able to concur whatever battles they’re facing.