- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
also, relate to this a lot!! i’m not sure when i discovered porn but i know that i did used to watch lesbian porn x amount of years ago. i honestly don’t remember a lot from that point in my life bc it was years ago but i know that i was young and naive. i knew it was lesbian porn (obviously) but i wasn’t watching it bc i was lesbian. i’ve always has crushes on guys and always was attracted to guys. all i knew is how i watching it made me feel. my HOCD started around a year ago and before that, I never worried about me watching lesbian porn and how that could be a “sign that i’m lesbian”. but when it started, i quickly started to worry about it and obsess over the fact that i used to watch it and even worse...i liked it. i kept thinking “omg sophia you used to watch lesbian porn and it turned u on. u liked it. ur lesbian”. my brain launched onto that for so long. i worked at it and with time, it became less sensitive and doesn’t bother me as much. ofc it still does but just not as much haha. some article i read said that we are sexual creatures. obviously. we are sexual beings, so, we are aroused by sexual things like porn. being turned on my gay porn doesn’t make you gay; it makes you human. it’s completely normal. this wasn’t meant to be reassurance, but i hoped this helped a little. i know exactly what you’re going through so if u ever need help just lmk!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate to you so much! I used to watch loads of porn including lesbian and liked it. But I stopped for years. I checked porn today and I can’t figure out whether it turned me on or not but I dont want to know, I just want to stop obsessing.
- Date posted
- 6y
Try taking all those labels away. You don’t have to define your sexuality; you can just be you! I find other women attractive and wouldn’t be completely closed off to being intimate with another woman but I’ve only ever dated men. Also, what gets you off, gets you off. That’s why there’s sooooo many types of porn lol it’s not a good judgement as to what you actually want.
- Date posted
- 6y
writing out my thoughts and the things i go through helps me SO much. i feel like that should be a method of therapy in it of itself haha. i find it super helpful to keep a journal/notebook to write your thoughts down in. i started doing that a few months ago and it’s the best decision i’ve made regarding my OCD. every time i feel like i’m making no progress, feeling down on myself, or going through a spurt of anxiety, i look back at my old entries and it’s a quick reminder of how far i’ve come. i also do it as an exposure sometimes!! i keep old topics that used to give me anxiety in the back of my head; knowing that at one point or another those thoughts caused me a lot of anxiety, i subconsciously try not to think about them. so, i look back at my old entries as an exposure. i read about all the things i once worried about and yes, it does make me nervous and yes, those thoughts can quickly come back and make me nervous again but i’m ok with it because i know that i’m making an effort to fully get rid of my HOCD
- Date posted
- 6y
yeah no i get that 100%. i find women attractive as well and i would totally consider maybe trying a threesome or something like that one day . but i don’t feel like i am “actually” bisexual. i get scared that one day i’ll want to fall in love w a women and that makes me upset because i want to be with a man sexually and romantically. but i’m also not disgusted by women in a sexual way either u know? like yeah girls are hot. i don’t necessarily desire to find one to hook up with or have one want me in that way. i desire men and i go out looking for men i want to be with. and i’ve always accepted that i would be down to hook up w a girl for shits and giggles one day but now since HOCD strikes it’s all become such a pain in the ass.
- Date posted
- 4y
can i ask how you identify now?
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm straight but can tell if a man is attractive or not. This made me used to question things, but after being in a few relationships, all with girls, I realized I was straight. Sometimes life can just be confusing. Just because you are attracted to the same sex doesn't mean it defines who you are. You may still be straight and just recognize certain aspects you find attractive in either sex. Also, writing in a word document helps clear my head.
- Date posted
- 6y
thank you so much!! feels good to know one can overcome this!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- Date posted
- 14w
So I’ve been recovering from my obsession from my sexuality bc I am attracted to men 100% but when I was a child, a cousin I was really close to had me do things to her and ever since then my perspective on things have changed. After that experience I would sit in corners and watch girls kissing and when i got older and learned what pornography was, I would watch girls to learn how to pleasure myself and I would hide and watch women on women in the same room where I was sa’d in. When I became a teen I started learning about wattpad and teen stories and i got so into men and dating in the books and I ended up forgetting about all of those things that changed me. I never thought about any of the girl things till a old friend brought it up and said I should explore but it really makes me uncomfortable to do something like that because it doesn’t feel right and it makes me feel sick to my stomach to be with women or even talk to one that way bc I’ve never perceived women in that way. I’ve always fangirled over men and male celebrities and I have my favorite singers like Sabrina carpenter but I’ve never thought about her in that light nor have I done any other women. I even read this document called am I a lesbian and it’s very good and it helped me realize that I am straight and it definitely took a bit of weight off my shoulders but then I saw a video of a therapist saying how being sa’d doesn’t change your sexuality and so I looked up how did people know or what clues did they have to know if they were bi and a lot of people usually know from a young age as young as elementary and having crushes on women and men but i never thought about women in general even tho I watched porn on it. I simply did it because it was really all I knew and I guess it was familiar to me?? now my new obsession is what does this mean for me ? And how do I know if im attracted to a women? I’ve never had a crush on one before. I never even thought about any of this until my friend tried to convince me to explore and it all just sparked from there. Ever since that day I’ve been avoidant of women and giving them genuine compliments like I used to. Everything all of a sudden seems inappropriate or gay to do. I get anxious and my lower body part starts to ache (groin) and it keeps making me wonder if that is attraction or fear or am I uncomfortable? But when im around a man I clearly find attractive or a male celebrity I find hot, or if I have a crush/relationship with a guy, I start smiling and trying to act all pretty and squealing like a kid who just got the best Christmas gift and I know that I clearly want to bone him. And my biggest dream is to be a mother. I want to get married to a man who will be the love of my life and have a happy family and I just personally never seen myself doing that with a woman and i can’t even imagine myself doing so. I know that probably seems cliche and I know this probably is a lot but what does it mean ? Am I just in denial or is it something more ?
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