just need a place to write, if u read through thanks i appreciate it. my whole life i’ve been a very open minded girl. i started watching porn at a young age as it was shown to me by my friend. i watched all kinds including lesbian porn. it did turn me on ofc and i always found women to have beautiful bodies & they are attractive . they also have turned me on before. however my hearts always belonged to men. and that’s who i truly desire to be with and love and have sex with etc. however i do fantasize about women sometimes & honestly if my boyfriend wanted to have a threesome w another girl i would probably go for it since i am open minded and a very sexual person. always ready to explore new things i haven’t before. however even w that i still don’t think of myself as bisexual or lesbian. like my brain keeps telling me i am but i just don’t think so. the idea of not being in a relationship w a man and trading it to be w a woman makes me upset if that makes sense. like it’s just idk.. and i sometimes feel confused bc i am not disgusted entirely at the idea of being w a woman. i don’t desire it like i desire men. if i happen to think of it sure it might turn me on but i have no desire to go out in search for women. it’s just not for me. idk . reply w ur thoughts if u want i’d appreciate it

also, relate to this a lot!! i’m not sure when i discovered porn but i know that i did used to watch lesbian porn x amount of years ago. i honestly don’t remember a lot from that point in my life bc it was years ago but i know that i was young and naive. i knew it was lesbian porn (obviously) but i wasn’t watching it bc i was lesbian. i’ve always has crushes on guys and always was attracted to guys. all i knew is how i watching it made me feel. my HOCD started around a year ago and before that, I never worried about me watching lesbian porn and how that could be a “sign that i’m lesbian”. but when it started, i quickly started to worry about it and obsess over the fact that i used to watch it and even worse...i liked it. i kept thinking “omg sophia you used to watch lesbian porn and it turned u on. u liked it. ur lesbian”. my brain launched onto that for so long. i worked at it and with time, it became less sensitive and doesn’t bother me as much. ofc it still does but just not as much haha. some article i read said that we are sexual creatures. obviously. we are sexual beings, so, we are aroused by sexual things like porn. being turned on my gay porn doesn’t make you gay; it makes you human. it’s completely normal. this wasn’t meant to be reassurance, but i hoped this helped a little. i know exactly what you’re going through so if u ever need help just lmk!!

Try taking all those labels away. You don’t have to define your sexuality; you can just be you! I find other women attractive and wouldn’t be completely closed off to being intimate with another woman but I’ve only ever dated men. Also, what gets you off, gets you off. That’s why there’s sooooo many types of porn lol it’s not a good judgement as to what you actually want.

writing out my thoughts and the things i go through helps me SO much. i feel like that should be a method of therapy in it of itself haha. i find it super helpful to keep a journal/notebook to write your thoughts down in. i started doing that a few months ago and it’s the best decision i’ve made regarding my OCD. every time i feel like i’m making no progress, feeling down on myself, or going through a spurt of anxiety, i look back at my old entries and it’s a quick reminder of how far i’ve come. i also do it as an exposure sometimes!! i keep old topics that used to give me anxiety in the back of my head; knowing that at one point or another those thoughts caused me a lot of anxiety, i subconsciously try not to think about them. so, i look back at my old entries as an exposure. i read about all the things i once worried about and yes, it does make me nervous and yes, those thoughts can quickly come back and make me nervous again but i’m ok with it because i know that i’m making an effort to fully get rid of my HOCD

yeah no i get that 100%. i find women attractive as well and i would totally consider maybe trying a threesome or something like that one day . but i don’t feel like i am “actually” bisexual. i get scared that one day i’ll want to fall in love w a women and that makes me upset because i want to be with a man sexually and romantically. but i’m also not disgusted by women in a sexual way either u know? like yeah girls are hot. i don’t necessarily desire to find one to hook up with or have one want me in that way. i desire men and i go out looking for men i want to be with. and i’ve always accepted that i would be down to hook up w a girl for shits and giggles one day but now since HOCD strikes it’s all become such a pain in the ass.

I'm straight but can tell if a man is attractive or not. This made me used to question things, but after being in a few relationships, all with girls, I realized I was straight. Sometimes life can just be confusing. Just because you are attracted to the same sex doesn't mean it defines who you are. You may still be straight and just recognize certain aspects you find attractive in either sex. Also, writing in a word document helps clear my head.

thank you so much!! feels good to know one can overcome this!!