- Date posted
- 2y
Hocd
My intrusive thoughts are telling me that im repressing my attraction when i dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way…
My intrusive thoughts are telling me that im repressing my attraction when i dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way…
Classic HOCD - I've had this thought and many more similar to it numerous times "you're repressing your sexuality", "you're repressing your true feelings", "you're repressing your true self" etc. Etc.
Let your thoughts come and just pass, don't let them affect you!
@PancakeBueno I also have pocd and real events ocd… i just posted about it…
@Givenup Continue with your therapy and you will see that it will get better!<3
@PancakeBueno Its like my intrusive thoughts… “adapt”… anything that sounds homosexual my hocd will give me thoughts about… like i could speak in korean and i would get an intrusive hocd thought in korean, or i could be looking at a woman and i would get a sudden intrusive hocd sexual thought thats detailed… like i seriously dont understand why this is happening to me… and the intrusive feelings, and the slightly faster heartbeat when i see a shirtless guy compared to a normal woman that im attracted to (plus giving me automatic intrusive thoughts about men whenever beautiful girls are mentioned) makes this life a living hell… I was checking my heartrate between seeing a guy people consider “attractive” and a girl i found attractive. I had a slightly faster heart-rate when i was looking at a guy… i don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way in any way shape or form… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…
@Givenup Please,stop seeking for reassurance.i know it's hard,after 4 years of Hocd I'm still doing it sometimes,but it makes your OCD stronger. You're not your thoughts.If you show that you are not afraid of them, they will leave, don't even react when they pop up in your head.
@PancakeBueno But i have real events ocd with my hocd too…
@Givenup It's difficult I know,I have it too.
@Givenup Heart rare will go up due to stress and anxiety more than it will from 'liking' someone so there's no reason you should use that as proof one way or another. You're just as likely to feel stressed by not finding someone attractive as you are worrying that you're finding someone attractive. If it helps you, I've recently just started suffering with this theme again after a long time without - but when you say about your mind adapting anything or everything, you're not wrong. Many years ago, I remember reading a Horoscope where it said something like 'you're going to find something out about yourself soon' and I caused a massive anxiety spike in me. Then I realised I had actually read the wrong starsign, lol. I don't even particularly believe in horoscopes, yet that was enough to panic me. Would be the same with random stuff like car licence plates. If I saw a registration like F123 AGG it would make me worry about why I noticed it immediately - as if it that had any bearing on anything.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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