Brain, please...

Sigh. Got through a day at work with lots of triggers, then at the very end of the day I was in the lunchroom with a coworker (who I really admire!)... she has scratches all over her arms from her cats. I have a few days old, deep crack on my palm from dry skin... quite sure it's never bled--and therefore not an open wound--but still... Had a conversation with her, brought up my stupid fear of hep C, and before we parted got reassurance that I did not touch her. She said I was all good. Did brain like that? No. Gave in and asked again via text (I feel bad about that... but I tried not to. I should get her a card or something to say thanks/sorry). She said I did not touch her at any point. Does brain like that? For a split second it did. Now it's taking issue with the wording of my text, saying I should have been specific about her scratches. "Did not touch at any point" means NOT AT ALL, BRAIN. Get it through those greasy lumps of yours! Not only that, but I do not touch people, let alone their wounds!! And definitely not with mine! Good lord. You're okay, girl. And so is the stuff you bought at work. Nobody will get the bad disease. ...hope knows that Monday's shift will bring 4730520 more triggers/ "exposures"... Oh but hey! I have not disinfected anything, despite all the stuff today! Not my phone, not my purse, not my shopping... Well you win some you lose some I guess. My referral to a psychiatrist was recieved, so just on the waiting game now!

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

Great job of not disinfecting stuff. Glad you’ll be able to gets meds. Do you have an erp therapist already?

Ancient-1

Date posted: 2y

No, but I am hoping one can be recommended for me. Not 100% looking for meds, but a diagnosis. I even had a "did I touch this dirty bandaid on the ground" thought while walking to work this morning... had to dig my keys out of my purse to get into work too! A little nervous remembering this, but it's another thing I wouldn't do so... not listening! Nobody will get hep C from my purse or my phone or anything else here! Gotta keep learning!!

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Ancient-1 - I believe NOCD can diagnose in addition to having erp therapists. If they don't take your insurance IOCDF has a list that you can search by country or US state. But sounds like ocd - the doubting/fear "did I do XYZ" "will it harm me" disorder.

Ancient-1

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P Well, if it turns out there isn't any in person therapists in my area I will likely make a call. Yeah. I have suspected for awhile now, that's why I phoned my doctor. I got more information about the disease I fear--what he told me basically dispels majority of the stuff that makes me anxious, but brain now doubts the notes I took or if I heard him right/am misremembering, but that's the anxiety talking, and me being afraid to stop these behaviours in case I did and am making a grave mistake... but probably more than half of what happens in my head is the "did I do XYZ" rigmaroll and a frantic rumination to figure it out. If I did the thing, I would know! There would BE no doubt like that. Thank you again, friend. Your advice is always welcome and appreciated.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Ancient-1 Wishing you luck.

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