Givenup

Date posted: 2y

Pocd and real events OCD

Ive told my story so many times that i think almost everyone knows… but yeah… its affecting me again… always at night and when im alone… im sad anxious scared and overall just so alone… i didnt know how extremely horrible the real events i did were at 13… (3 times) i really truly didnt… the real events i did were extremely horrible and i didnt even know how horrible they were until i matured… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… i feel so lost scared and alone…

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Give yourself some grace and compassion; you said you didn’t know how bad the event was, and that’s bc you were a child and didn’t know any better at the time. No one really does at that age, we’re all young and inexperienced. It’s not your fault and it wouldn’t be upsetting you this much if it wasn’t OCD. Are you able to access therapy for maybe a couple of sessions? Seeing a professional is the only alternative before your OCD becomes worse.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed The last time the real events happened i went to bed and i was feeling like i did something wrong… i dont ever want to ever be a p or a chomo on any way…

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed And its comparing me to actual P’s who did something similar to me or more at the ages of 12 through 16, and then do horrible stuff when they are adults…

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@VvVlVvV I cant afford it…

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I hope i havent upset you

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… i didnt regard characters age and appearance at the time (i was 17-18) and i didnt know what the content was or what it represented… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented…

Edelgard

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup Read "unwanted" from Jay Stringer. It talks about how your sexual likes and dislikes do not come out of thin air randomly, and that it always has some sort of reason. Your self-worth cannot be decided by anyone. You have to understand that these mistakes happen, that you are more human than you currently think, that every human is capable of doing something that they wish they didnt, for wharever reason, sometimes in their lives. Its just life. Calm down, grab a coffee. Laugh about it. Tell yourself you were stupid then, but you are better now. Now go build that commander deck you always wanted to build ;).

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup You didn’t upset me don’t worry. As you mentioned, you didn’t understand the meaning of the content you were looking at. Things happen but it doesn’t have to define you as a person today. You’ve grown and become a wiser person, and that’s all that matters. I know uou hate what happened in the past, but it’s in the past and no one can change that. Focus on the here and now instead; it’ll make such a difference.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed @blazed The last time the real events happened when i was 13, i went to bed and i was feeling like i did something wrong… i dont ever want to ever be a p or a chomo on any way…

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed additionally, for my real events ocd and pocd regarding explicit content i watched when i was 17-18, with some of the content i didnt regard characters age and appearance at the time… and with the other parts of the content i didnt know how horrible the content itself represented, and since the content was on a public site and had millions of views, i thought it was safe to consume… (i was 17-18, still in high school) i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i dont want to ever be attracted to high schoolers, or kids in any way shape or form…

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup I know you want to be reassured, but it’s not going to be helpful in the long run. You’ve been dealing with this for a long time and it makes me sad to see that you’re struggling so much. As I mentioned before, you didn’t know the extent of how bad the content was, therefore it’s not your responsibility to carry all this guilt. It deeply disturbs you bc you have OCD. Overthinking it will create more confusion and anxiety. If it’s getting this bad, you need to see a specialist to work through this bc it won’t go away on its own. Try looking on the iocdf website for a therapist who takes your insurance: https://iocdf.org/find-help/

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed @blazed Does my previous comment about going to bed mean that im in denial of my pocd and real events ocd saying im a P and a chomo?

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup I’m not going to give reassurance.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Im sorry for angering you…

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup Oh I’m not angry, I didn’t mean to come across that way. I just want to see you get better. Did you look at the link I’ve sent you?

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Attempting to resist compulsions… but its making me feel like im not anxious of my pocd and my real events ocd real events (both real events) i dont evrr want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way…

Givenup

Date posted: 12w

Pocd and my horrible childhood

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

Something extremely horrible and awful as a child

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

Extremely horrible and awful childhood real events

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Pocd and real events OCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community