i was watching this movie yesterday that involved lots of violence. while i was getting ready for bed, the thought that i might kill my boyfriend while sleeping made me sick to my stomach. i cried so much and felt so so horrible. i havent been able to sleep and am so scared to do so. google has not been helpful, saying that its likely to happen. someone please help me. i feel like i wont be able to sleep anymore.
Hey hey I gotchu fam don't worry this is a common OCD theme I deal with the same thing and it will get better do some ERP to help out as a start and don't worry about sleep cause this is very common as well and believe me YOU WILL fall asleep I have been dealing with harm/self-harm ocd a lot recently and its been fucking with my sleep too once you realize theses thoughts are just thoughts an don't align with who you TRULY ARE you'll sleep eventually don't give up you are amazing fam you got this
@twixisbestcandy sending huge hugs. thank you so so much.
@nataroonie what would be a good exposure for this? i sleep with my boyfriend and i dont know how to cope.
@nataroonie Do not google! That’s a compulsion that we use to reassure all these doubts and fears. So the best ERP would be “yeah. Okay. I might kill (name) while he’s sleeping. That might happen, I might lose control and kill him. That would mean he would die, I would be an evil monster and that I would confess and live in jail, imprisoned forever, and then live in hell for the rest of my life.” By going through the fears, one after the other chronologically, we eventually get to the singular fear. The core fear. What I wrote above is what I have experienced. Yours might be different. I hope this makes sense and I want you to know that your reaction to this is definitely indicative of OCD and it is ego dystonic! If you were a killer, you would not be experiencing all of these debilitating feelings. Huge huge hugs 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
Huge hugs!!!!!! Harm OCD is the worst. There is no “trick” other than accepting the uncertainty that you might. It’s ERP and the only way. The narrative I found is helpful for me goes something like this: Yes, I might do XYZ. Yeah, perhaps that means I will be a murderer and maybe I am one. Maybe I will end up in prison. And so on and ao forth. It’s the only way. Sending you all the strength.
@tiathomas thank you so much. i am sending a huge hug back as reading this has helped.
@nataroonie You can do this. My therapist always tells me that I need to stop trying to feel safe (Our compulsions are driven by our need to feel safe). So leaning into the uncertainty of if is the only way. Be leaning into the uncertainty through doing the ERP, our anxiety levels spike and in combination with the psychology of accepting uncertainty with the spike in our anxiety levels, we habituate to the anxiety associated with the uncertainty. I hope this makes sense. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
@tiathomas i appreciate your help. it’s been difficult to sleep and can’t shake off the guilt and shame for having these thoughts and feelings. what you’re saying is, to sit through the anxiety and our brain will become accustomed to that, right? thank you so much for your help.
@nataroonie That’s correct and I’m so sorry for the delay in my response to you!! Yes! Observe, lean into the possibility that you might be XYZ or might do XYZ and your brain will become accustomed to that (the uncertainty)!
@nataroonie It’s funny how guilty we feel - the guilt can even lead us to compulsively apologise or remedy the problem which just further perpetuates the ocd! The thoughts are not your own. The thoughts are some weird entity that follows us around and convinces is that it’s our thoughts! Sounds like us, the thoughts sound real and warranted…. They’re well disguised lies!!! Say to the ocd - “huh. Thanks for that thought OCD. Yeah. That might happen. I might do this.”
@tiathomas thank you so much for this. i just got a new fear about jeffrey dahmer two days ago and this is a living nightmare. i wake up in the middle of the night and start crying because the thought doesnt go away. i can’t even eat any type of meat. it sucks so much, but i know that i should just acknowledge these thoughts and let it pass by. like you said, these thoughts are not me. i should just carry on. thank you again.
@nataroonie I’m so sorry ♥️🫂 and it’s a pleasure to assist in any way possible. We must stop trying to feel safe and do the OPPOSITE of what the compulsions tell us to do. In other words, if you eat the meat, you will not be capitulating to the compulsion…that’s ERP for a slightly later stage. For not start with accepting the doubt and the uncertainty.. it’s so tricky and I fully understand it 😩 start small and then you will get there!!! Also, try the SOS function on this app! I just checked it out and it helps a lot! Huge hugs xxx
@tiathomas i am doing BIG exposures by eating anyway. i try to not focus on what my mind is telling me, if not i start to panick and feel physical symptoms. it is the most tricky part. i will continue doing the opposite of what my brain tells me. yes, i’ll check that SOS button. thank you!! another thing - do the things you’d normally do if your intrusive thoughts weren’t present. don’t let them take away your moments. happy 4th of july, friend!
@nataroonie Wow you got it! That’s amazing. Keep up the work of a lifetime! And yes, the physical symptoms are awful! The brain is SO powerful, but you are obviously far more powerful! Happy 4th of July! Thank you!
When I've had this theme crop up, I do my best to use some of the ideas from this site: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-paying-attention/ Response Prevention phrases that I've found helpful here: "I see you OCD. I see you. I can let you exist in my awareness, but I am not going to focus on you." "I can zoom out my awareness and let my fear/OCD exist with all the rest of my current experience." And every time I notice my attention going back to the OCD/fear, I repeat the phrase and do my best to notice everything I'm experiencing in that moment. Meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness exercises have been really helpful to me as well. I'm a big fan of The Calm App (but it costs $). Insight Timer is free and has lots of meditations. It's really hard, so be gentle and compassionate toward yourself ❤️
@Hobbit thank you so so much🤍
Hello, I’ve struggled with POCD in the past and I’ve been going to therapy for it, and I feel that I have fought it off for now. Although, just about 30 minutes ago I was watching a movie that had a scene of a guy killing his father. I have been angry with my mother the past few days and after seeing that movie I started to have terrible intrusive thoughts of myself strangling my mom. My anxiety has passed but at this moment I’m feeling very hopeless. I feel like a psycho.
So last night I had a dream that had a harm thought in it about hurting my cat and I had a reaction. Like you know how people sleep walk well I woke up to me swinging my arm over trying to grab her. I woke up and was like :0 and then went back to bed not really caring just was like that is an interesting thought. When I sung my arm over though she was walking past me. Now I’m convinced I was trying to act out my thought and I wanted it and that makes me so horrible. Has anyone had this?!?
It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.
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