- Date posted
- 2y
Relationship OCD help
Hi all, this is my first post on NOCD! It’s long, but Im seeking some guidance 😅 I’m writing this because I think I’m struggling with relationship OCD. I’ve questioned in the past if I fall under certain umbrellas of OCD, and have concluded more recently that I definitely do (not to self diagnose, but I find that putting a meaning behind my thoughts DO help me deal with them) Lately, after being with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and living together for a year, I’ve developed this intense anxiety around our relationship. Sometimes the anxiety lasts for a week and sometimes it lasts for a couple of days, and then it goes away for a few weeks. But the anxious thoughts overall have been going on for a couple of months. My boyfriend is…. Absolutely wonderful to say the least. Loves me exactly how I would want and need someone to love me, knows me so well, is caring, understanding, just a pure and beautiful soul. Faithful, loyal, etc. I love him with all of my heart and logically, can’t imagine my life without him. We’ve discussed marriage and kids and I know that those things are in the future for us (unless something happens that causes it to not) I feel confident that he’s my person. However, when the ROCD started, it came out of nowhere. Pretty much, I found someone else attractive 2 months ago and my brain has stuck on that and tricked me into believing that I can’t possibly be in love and happy in my relationship if i felt attracted to someone else. The attraction to said person hasn’t come in a month or so (tbh i think it was more of a “i like this validation”feeling than true attraction) but there were a couple times that i felt that way and INSTANTLY felt like the worst girlfriend ever after. The guilt, I think, triggered the ROCD. So now, every couple of weeks or so, i feel this feeling of “am i in love with this person, is he THE one, if I’m not obsessed with my partner am I even in love, if I’m not in the mood to be intimate right now am I attracted to him” etc. then I start hyperfocusing on flaws of his that otherwise wouldn’t bother me at all. Im not even sure what triggers the anxiety. We hardly fight, we’re open in communicating our feelings, and we don’t have any pressing issues to make him not a “right fit” for me. We have a solid relationship and I wouldn’t change anything about our dynamic. But sometimes my ROCD makes me question EVERYTHING. What I HAVE thought about and concluded are these things: I think the idea of marriage terrifies me because of the marriage my parents had. They weren’t in love, fought a lot, got married because they had kids, etc. So naturally, I think I have a fear of becoming “complacent” and “falling out of love” with someone i want to be with long term. So, logically, maybe those feelings of non-attraction is actually comfortability. Maybe I’m not obsessing over him because I’m SAFE with him and it’s SECURE, so I don’t have to do that anymore. Maybe if I’m not feeling intimate, it doesn’t make me a bad girlfriend, or that I’m not in love, maybe we’ve just been living together for a while and are comfortable. But when the anxiety starts; it’s hard to differentiate that. Sorry for the brain dump, but this has all been piling up. I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else about this because it brings me shame and guilt. I don’t talk about it to my boyfriend in fear that he’ll think I’m not happy with him and wanna leave me. It’s a mess in my brain right now because I’m isolating my emotions, guilt, fears, and not sharing them with anyone. Which is why, I’m asking you guys for advice, reassurance, exercises, or anything to make me feel a bit less anxious. Thanks for reading friends <3