Struggling

I’m currently working so hard not to google anything and everything relating to “do I really love him?” Reading other people’s posts and responses on here help me so much when I’m feeling this way… I currently just feel unable to really enjoy my relationship, I wish I could just let go and enjoy how amazing of a person my bf is and how much he loves me, but of course the same lines keep repeating in my head over and over… “you don’t really love him” “you’re just staying with him because he’s not a red flag” “you don’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up so you just stay” I’m not even looking for reassurance because I know these thoughts are all ocd I’m just so annoyed and frustrated that I’m seemingly unable to enjoy my relationship when everything is actually going so well… it feels like these are thoughts I’ll never get rid of and I’m just feeling very discouraged.

Relationship OCD

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

Omg I FEEL YOU. I’ve just laid on the floor in tears frustrated that I can’t enjoy my beautiful relationship because of ROCD. It’s so unnameably frustrating and painful. I know this so deeply. My therapist and I have been working on me befriending the OCD. Like, instead of pushing it away, treating it like what it is—a friend who is here to protect, who is just really, really scared. Have you tried anything like that? ROCD typically shows up in healthy, beautiful relationships and that’s so unfair to us. But you’re not alone, and it won’t be like this forever. The more we work on exposures and training ourselves to not react to or entertain the thoughts, and practicing self compassion while doing it, the more these triggers will begin to fade into the background and give us more space to live and love.

Nicoleisdoin...

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) I’ve genuinely never tried anything like befriending my ocd. Tbh that sounds scary because I’m so used to distracting myself and doing my best to get rid of these negative feelings but I’m so willing to try anything at this point that I’m going to do my best to try this! Any advice on how to do this or things you’ve done to try and befriend your ocd? Thank you so much for this post, you have no idea how helpful it is to hear your experience is similar to mine and although I’d wish this on literally no one it really helps to know I’m not alone. ♥️

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

@Nicole155 Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!! So my therapist framed it like this: He said, “There are no disorders—there are protectors.” So anxiety, rage, OCD, we have established are not *bad things,* but are my friends who care about me not getting hurt again, and who show up to protect me. But she just needs some compassion, acceptance, guidance. So our script, when I feel the anxiety coming on, is, “Hello protector. Thank you for protecting me. I’m safe right now. May I please have some space?” I’ve had to do some tweaking, since the protector can tell when I’m trying to “get rid” of it. It has to come from a place of genuine acceptance and friendship. It’s not easy, but this is our goal right now!!! And y’know what—it works. It seems like now things have leveled up and I still have to come up with new things, but they’re all based around this—befriending the anxiety, not pushing it away.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) I see it more as a shitty roommate that you can't evict. They always give you bad advice, don't clean up after themselves, always playing annoying music, ect. You can't evict them because their lease is as long as you live, and you can never reason with them or tell them to keep it down. So, you make the space bigger and tolerate their presence and noise. You build out the apartment into more rooms so you see them less and less. And when you do see them, you know it's only for a little while, and recognize them as a temporary annoyance.

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I like the roommate idea for sure!!!!

Nicoleisdoin...

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) Thank you so much! Truly truly I’m going to try this! I’m excited to have something new to try!

Nicoleisdoin...

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous This is so good! I love this analogy!

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