- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Could use a little advice please feeling so low
Hey guys… I’m so confused. I’ve had ocd and different themes of ocd through out my life. At 12 I had a random thought I was lesbian and it just happened outta nowhere and guess that was my first time with ocd. Went away and went fully to liking boys and it spiraled again back in college after seeing a super pretty girl on campus and I believed I was bisexual and spiraled. It went away and I lived my life for 4 years and knew I was straight. Now it’s back… and it’s been hell. I was boy crazy. All my crushes has been men and I always wanted a boyfriend, get married and have kids. I was excited to shoot my shot at this guy I saw at a wedding I saw. Now that my OCD has flared up, my mind has latched into the fact I’m bisexual again. It keeps latching on memories and to actresses I’ve had no issues seeing before or even my coworkers. First few weeks I had anxiety and discomfort now a month later I have no anxiety. I get extreme false attractions but I question… is it real? Why does it feel like I enjoy it? I try to let the thoughts sit ( fyi doing erp with NOCD) I feel numb. I have 0 anxiety which makes it seem like I’m actually bisexual no longer heterosexual like I’ve identified. My attraction to men and my crush I had for years is slowly fading. I’m trying to accept and acknowledge my thoughts and not trying to engage but I’m convinced I’ll never return to normal. I’m convinced I don’t wanna be straight anymore. I obsess over this everyday. Every girl I see I see I think I have a crush on them. If anyone is pretty and sweet that triggers me as well. When I see a super pretty actress or girl on TikTok, I’ll check the comments and girls who also call them hot or Pretty always has a pride flag on their bio. I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused what I’m attracted to and my real sexuality at 25. People also say you can’t choose your sexuality and I’m scared one day I’m gonna admit I’m bisexual and fall extremely hard for a woman. I really want to be straight. I no longer know my values and feel like I can never date and get married. Everything feels forced. Am I actually being indenial ? Why am I not disgusted :( please please help. My erp tools are not helping. I get so triggered when my sisters always tell me start dating, when I get married … why is that? Feeling alone. Kindly don’t ignore