Past Memories Hitting Hard

I was having a good day until I suddenly remember some past memories that makes me feel really guilty and terrified if I am a bad person. I have unfortunately been exposed to adult content at such a young age, around 8 years of age, when scrolling through TV channels. I did had parental supervision, but I was a sneaky kid and very curious as well, so when they go to a different room or to the store for a little, I watch the adult content on mute. This has affected me so much because it made me done actions that I really regret and I am so afraid to think that I am a bad person. Being exposed to such inappropriate content at such a young age has affected my emotional and mental growth. I don’t blame my parents because I purposefully sneaked to watch these types of videos, but I wish I never have come across it.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I would never do them now and have never repeated these things I even remember my sisters friends 6 years younger when I was in my teens and me saying no because I knew it was wrong, so I obviously grew as I got older. I hope you feel better soon What I do know is that your not a bad person. In the past for my work I’ve dealt with pedo’s and there only concern is getting caught and that’s only because they want to carry on. So if that’s what your distress is from your past - your not that. And remember a pedo is defined as an adult that’s preys on children for sexual gratification- it’s about control Your not that

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@jonathan123147 Thank you, this really helps a lot 😊

Worry24

Date posted: 2y

I have the same obsessions as you do. Now whenever I see adult content I got through so many emotions and obsessions. Don’t know how to get over it.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

Same - I keep thinking about stuff I did when I was a teenager 13-16, makes me think I can’t ever be happy

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@jonathan123147 Can relate! Some of the things I did when I was 13-17 and even when I was 18 haunts me. I learn from my mistakes, but it still torments me. I know I was a teen who did not know better, but it sucks to think about it

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 I wished I could go back in time and speak to my younger self. The hard thing is not being able to remember every detail, at least then I could process it all It’s so hard not to talk about it and confess. How do you get past it?

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@jonathan123147 In all honesty, I don’t know. I am still trying to overcome these thoughts. The best I can tell you is that it is on the past and it shouldn’t affect your present and future. We made mistakes because we were curious hormonal teens, but we honestly didn’t know better due to various factors, such as lack of knowledge in respect towards the topic. Now that we are older, we know that it was mistakes. So acknowledge that they are past mistakes

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

You have helped aswell Thanks keep strong

lexfe98

Date posted: 22w

fear of being a bad person because of past events

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

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Past Memories Hitting Hard

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