Real Event and ROCD help? (18+)

How do you guys deal with the urge to confess to your partner? I have Real Event OCD around porn. Recently ive been talking to this guy, we're not officially dating or anything but we're getting to know each other and stuff. and even though I gave porn up half a year ago and long realize my mistakes, i still feel like if he knew my events he'd think im disgusting and horrible. (basically i grew up exposed to furry porn as a kid and that included art of feral animals n weird shit. Never anything real. I literally didn't realize how gross that was until last year and I stopped completely. It wasnt hard to give up. Now it completely grosses me out. I'm not attracted to animals or anything it was just what I had access to/was used to and I hate myself everyday for being so naive and thinking that was normal even in adulthood.) I have the urge to confess and I know that's a compulsion but it also feels awful feeling like I'm harboring a horrible secret. Or like he doesn't know the 'real me'. How do you guys deal with the guilt and feeling like a secret horrible person for not telling?

Pudu OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I really don’t have a “right” answer figured out so curious to see what other people think. But if I was to take a guess, that answer might start with realising that the “real you” is someone who dislikes these things, who was curious when younger, and unfortunately made the mistake of viewing such things, and now regrets it deeply, in accordance with their dislike for it. Being highly curious about things, making mistakes and learning from them has pretty much been the human race’s MO for thousands and thousands of years, so know that you are not alone in that.

Pudu OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@TheBot By the way, try also not to fall into the potential trap of needing to beat yourself up in order to feel secure in your dislike of this type of porn. Shame in a weird way can give you emotional comfort that you are not what you fear, and you really need not spend your whole life living in shame for such a poor reason. After all, what “dose” of shame does one really need to draw appropriate conclusions and move on? The answer is definitely less than “an entire lifetime”. I know it’s much easier said than done.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 2y

@TheBot Thank you for your words. It's hard trying not to let something like this define me. I'm definitely trying to find assurance in my sense of self like I had prior to my OCD picking up on this. I'm grateful my OCD is making me reflect and but that's also at the cost of severe anxiety. But you're very right, thank you. ♡

Pudu OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Northern_Downpour @Northern_Downpour I wonder if the answer is not to actually let this aspect of your past define you to some degree, but making sure to pick the correct definition. Your OCD might say: “Your past mistakes mean that you are monster, and will be forever.” This conclusion is fallacious, and sets you up for a life of permanent self-inflicted misery. What you might take onboard instead could be something more positive like: “My past mistakes have taught me a lot about myself. When I think of all the people on this planet who, when asked, would say that they don’t like furry porn, how many can actually say this with the level of certainty that I have? I was curious about this in the past, and made the mistake of actually watching the stuff for a time, and I look back on it with disgust. That’s a level of evidence that I don’t think many people who claim to dislike furry porn actually have.” The proposed alternative above may or may not click with you. The point I think is to find and adopt another way of looking at the reality of your situation than the one your OCD is pushing. I don’t know, I am just sharing some thoughts, and I am glad if you find them helpful.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@TheBot I find it very helpful thank you for that perspective. I know when I am in it all I can think literally is - I am a freak that will always have these problems and I’m damaged goods and my brain will not let me think outside that thought loop.

Sillyguppy

Date posted: 25w

A fear of forming & getting into relationships?

Hello OCD friends! I'm new on here, but here has been the top question mark in my mind lately. How exactly is one with real event and false memory OCD expected to make or form relationships with others? I know confession compulsions are quite common place in this type of OCD, and that they should be avoided, but i'm not sure how exactly to get over that feeling of "lying" to your partner, even though you technically aren't lying about anything, just keeping things to yourself that are meant to be kept to yourself. I'm working against the confession compulsions and working on keeping the past in the past. But it feels so difficult to form a relationship when I feel this huge issue under the surface.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 23w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

truespartan48

Date posted: 22w

Struggling with potential ROCD

Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!

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Real Event and ROCD help? (18+)

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