I keep worrying. This sucks, I’m so confused. I keep wondering if I really am just in denial. The thing that scares me the most are those articles I’ve read about women who marry a man but they realize they’re lesbian or that they new it all along but ignored the thought. What if that’s what I’m doing? What if I’m actually in denial? I just want this to stop. I hate it because I don’t get anxiety anymore. Only yesterday when I read those post about women who are married to men but are lesbian, I started to sweat and panic so bad. But only the thoughts are left here. With no feeling, only the feeling of being afraid. Anyone else feel this way?

You all will be okay. Trust me ive been there. Its not over and i dont feel like me, but the anxiery will go away and you will be able to breath again. From there you can think clear and find your old selves back. Take a breath, relax. Time will heal you.

100% it feels like it’ll never end?

Totally relate to this. It surely sucks. Most of those women who marry men and find out they’re lesbian are very stupid. They caused so much harm to their significant other by not being honest with themselves. Let me tell you, it’s not like them being lesbian sprung itself on them over night like ocd does. They knew their whole lives. They probably were afraid of the shame they would feel from the world if they came out. That’s way different from the ocd denial you might feel. Denial is a choice. There’s nothing hiding itself from you in your subconscious. Your mind doesn’t work like that. People who are actually in denial can’t deny what they’re denying their whole lives. Denial isn’t a state of long term avoidance. It’s a state of short term avoidance to deal with the consequences of one’s decisions. They knew they were lesbian, but actively chose to act like they weren’t. They weren’t secretly denying it in their minds. Read some articles on actual denial in the mind. It will help.

Yes I have but I just get even more scared. Because I’m honestly just so confused. The thing is I’ve never fantasied about women up until Now. Because I keep reading articles that’s “if you fantasize and like it that means you are” but idk if I actually like it or not. I was happy with liking boys and having boyfriends. I never found myself unsatisfied or anything. But I look back at it and check if I was actually happy and enjoying it. I hate this so much. Reading things doesn’t make me feel any better.

What if I do know I’m lesbian? And I just keep ignoring the thoughts because I’m in denial? I’ve never wanted to be with a girl in a any way. And I hate this groundless response thing. I just want this to end. I have a boyfriend who i am happy with. But then I just keep questioning this.

Girl!! You gotta stop questioning! It’s only going to make it worse! If you were lesbian, you would know. Most people know ever since they were very young. Most people’s sexuality doesn’t change on them automatically. If you were lesbian, your feelings wouldn’t be associated with anxiety, they would be pleasurable. Don’t get that confused with false arousal and false attraction that come along with HOCD. Most people don’t “question” their sexuality. They know. No matter what information you feed to the HOCD it will always find something else. ALWAYS. Even when you think you for sure know, your ocd will convince you that you don’t. You have to accept the fact that you will never know. If you like boys, do that! What will it change if you found out you were lesbian now?

It’ll only change the fact that I’d have to leave my boyfriend. Which I don’t want to do. But thank you so much! This helps, knowing we aren’t alone.

Yeah. That’s a scary thing. Once you deal with the anxiety, the smoke will clear and you will see who you’ve been all along. It will be a good thing. Not a thing full of anxiety. What you’re describing is definitely the symptoms of ocd. Not questioning your sexuality. Things will get better.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your reply.