- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
You all will be okay. Trust me ive been there. Its not over and i dont feel like me, but the anxiery will go away and you will be able to breath again. From there you can think clear and find your old selves back. Take a breath, relax. Time will heal you.
- Date posted
- 6y
100% it feels like it’ll never end?
- Date posted
- 6y
Totally relate to this. It surely sucks. Most of those women who marry men and find out they’re lesbian are very stupid. They caused so much harm to their significant other by not being honest with themselves. Let me tell you, it’s not like them being lesbian sprung itself on them over night like ocd does. They knew their whole lives. They probably were afraid of the shame they would feel from the world if they came out. That’s way different from the ocd denial you might feel. Denial is a choice. There’s nothing hiding itself from you in your subconscious. Your mind doesn’t work like that. People who are actually in denial can’t deny what they’re denying their whole lives. Denial isn’t a state of long term avoidance. It’s a state of short term avoidance to deal with the consequences of one’s decisions. They knew they were lesbian, but actively chose to act like they weren’t. They weren’t secretly denying it in their minds. Read some articles on actual denial in the mind. It will help.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes I have but I just get even more scared. Because I’m honestly just so confused. The thing is I’ve never fantasied about women up until Now. Because I keep reading articles that’s “if you fantasize and like it that means you are” but idk if I actually like it or not. I was happy with liking boys and having boyfriends. I never found myself unsatisfied or anything. But I look back at it and check if I was actually happy and enjoying it. I hate this so much. Reading things doesn’t make me feel any better.
- Date posted
- 6y
What if I do know I’m lesbian? And I just keep ignoring the thoughts because I’m in denial? I’ve never wanted to be with a girl in a any way. And I hate this groundless response thing. I just want this to end. I have a boyfriend who i am happy with. But then I just keep questioning this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Girl!! You gotta stop questioning! It’s only going to make it worse! If you were lesbian, you would know. Most people know ever since they were very young. Most people’s sexuality doesn’t change on them automatically. If you were lesbian, your feelings wouldn’t be associated with anxiety, they would be pleasurable. Don’t get that confused with false arousal and false attraction that come along with HOCD. Most people don’t “question” their sexuality. They know. No matter what information you feed to the HOCD it will always find something else. ALWAYS. Even when you think you for sure know, your ocd will convince you that you don’t. You have to accept the fact that you will never know. If you like boys, do that! What will it change if you found out you were lesbian now?
- Date posted
- 6y
It’ll only change the fact that I’d have to leave my boyfriend. Which I don’t want to do. But thank you so much! This helps, knowing we aren’t alone.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah. That’s a scary thing. Once you deal with the anxiety, the smoke will clear and you will see who you’ve been all along. It will be a good thing. Not a thing full of anxiety. What you’re describing is definitely the symptoms of ocd. Not questioning your sexuality. Things will get better.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much, I appreciate your reply.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 22w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 20w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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