I think i honestly need to confess

so i’ve suffered with rocd and pocd the most. rocd has always been centred around me feeling like i’ve cheated or scared about it and always feeling guilt since for 7 years. so i had a wedding over the weekend. it was over two days. so the first day i was avoiding walking near kids bc of the pocd but i was also trying to avoid walking next men too bc i didn’t want to for obvious reasons. but there was an incident the next day at the wedding where i saw someone standing a bit of a distance away from where i was walking but i had to walk past them. i think i was unsteady anyway bc i was wearing heels. but i am always so careful around the opposite sex and always avoid talking to them / being around them when i can. like leaning against them or brushing past them is my biggest ocd fear. but when i was walking past i think my heels may have made me unsteady i’m not sure but i walked towards the person (not right near them) and i was getting thoughts like idc you want to do this you want to brush past them and straight after i got to where i needed to go i felt so much anxiety it’s unreal. like i accepted those thoughts true ay the time, did i walk towards the person on purpose? i never wanna cheat on my bf. i hate the idea of it. i literally avoid social media apps bc i’m scared of what if i message someone etc. i screen record everything i do as proof i haven’t messaged anyone. i don’t even speak to guys as friends. i’ve cut so many people off too. did i do something wrong? can ocd make you feel like you want to do something? i feel so much guilt it’s unreal like why did i take a step towards the person?? i must be a cheater.

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

Yes ocd can make you feel like you have urges that are completely unreal. Trust me, I know from experience I’ve had all sorts of thoughts, feelings, urges, etc… but they’re not me… they make me so upset I cry sometimes. I have had similar thoughts to you, about brushing past people etc, it’s horrible and you actually feel like you’re being immoral , but you aren’t, you aren’t going out of your way to brush past anyone it’s a natural thing that can happen at times. It’s because you have ocd that the ocd will make you feel wrong when you had no wrong intentions, it’s because of the intrusive thoughts that pop up in a situation like that, that makes you feel immoral. The irony of ocd is avoidance actually makes everything worse, it’s a reassurance thing we do… I suggest looking at Ali Greymond on Spotify/YouTube if you can’t deal with social media at the moment. She is so amazing and has helped me massively, her podcasts are good at helping you understand ocd and how to recover. It is possible for anyone to recover with her method, it worked for her and she now has been helping people for many years with their own ocd.

dreamerxo

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous thank you sm for replying! it is so difficult to go through because i’m so careful all the time and these thoughts are always in my head! like it feels like i acted on my thoughts bc i stepped a little bit towards the person even though i was a fair distance from them and i accepted the thoughts kind of thing? and straight away i was like panicking and really anxious. i’d never want to cheat on my bf, i hate the thought of hurting anyone and their feelings. it’s the worst. i didn’t brush past anyone, but the thoughts urges feelings etc and everything are horrible! i hate it so much 💔 i will definitely watch ali greymond! thank you!

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

I can just say from experience, I understand. I have horrible intrusive thoughts all the time about ex’s/people from my past… they are draining and confusing and scary. The reason they scare you so much and make you so upset is because you’re a good loyal partner, you love your partner. That’s why ocd does this, it knows your morals and values and that you have found the love of your life, so it tries to rewin that… for about a year I spent almost every day “confessing” to my partner about all my intrusive thoughts, and there was a day he woke up and couldn’t handle it anymore as much as he loved me and knew I had ocd, he could not handle hearing the intrusions, and we broke up. That month of us broken up was one of the most painful, it didn’t make the ocd go away by telling him all the intrusions, it actually made everything worse… I got to the point of realising that I can’t put that on him, when they are literally lies ocd tells you, it is so seperate from you or what you want. You just need to remind yourself that when you want to “confess” an intrusive thought, that he will always have the same reaction of “it’s okay babe I know you don’t mean it, I know you have ocd” etc, just reassuring you, but in reality that’s fuelling the ocd and tearing your relationship apart. Please take it from me, You do not need to tell your partner things that OCD is telling you, because that’s not who you are…. At the end of the day it gets on top of them, they don’t have ocd so they can’t understand it the same way as we do, they have intrusive thoughts too, it’s just they would understand what they are and be able to ignore UNWANTED thoughts, where as our mind gets stuck on them, because we are fearful. If a thought was really true you wouldn’t worry about it or second guess it. Just try and out yourself in their shoes, as much as you want to be there for your partner and would always support them, imagine if they were confessing these UNTRUE thoughts to you 24/7, it would eventually get on top of you… Please please listen, it took me till we broke up to realise the impact it had on him, and I’m telling you right now their reaction will always be the same, they aren’t going to suddenly stop loving you, because you’re having intrusive thoughts… if they aren’t wanted thoughts they aren’t your own. OCD is very convincing and it lies and makes you doubt everything. Don’t give importance to them. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes because believe me I struggle and get caught up in the ocd all the time, but these are just things you HAVE TO remind yourself…. Clearly if you have a partner who you love, then any thought about your ex isn’t what you think now… And I can tell you aswell. My ocd is to do with relationship, sexual etc… But I’ll tell you something. Even when my partner left me and we were broken up, I was single and could do what I want, but did I? No… I just wanted my boyfriend home. I didn’t want to act on any of those thoughts and didn’t want any of those thoughts even without him being with me. So that kind of was the proof in the pudding, that I know I am totally in love with my partner and wouldn’t ever do anything Disloyal even if we weren’t together… so I already knew how much I loved him, but that just proved to me even more how these thoughts are literally nothing to do with me and my morals and values, it’s OCD

dreamerxo

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you for sharing your story! it really helps! and you’re right, confessing won’t help. I’m sorry you had to go through that i can imagine it being so difficult. OCD really loves to target what means the most to us and it’s heartbreaking. It’s the same for me too! I don’t want anyone other than my boyfriend and it’s crazy how ocd tries to get in the way of that! I have always confessed everything since i was around 5. Any intrusive thoughts i had etc i always had to tell my parents or someone and even if i got in trouble at school i felt an insane amount of guilt and had to confess it to my parents. I actually remember exactly what happened & how i told my parents because i was soooo upset and ridden with anxiety and guilt. You’re right about the fact we worry about this stuff goes to show our true morals & character!

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

Dalia H.

Date posted: 12w

Tired of constantly questioning intentions.

Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.

Marrkk22

Date posted: 10w

Real event cheating

So I’m 22 and have had ocd my entire life. I’m about to hit 1 year in my relationship. I’m extremely happy and haven’t really had any rocd problems. Which is great. So here’s the problem. About 4-5 months into my new relationship I was bored one night and couldn’t sleep. I must’ve doom scrolled TikTok and Reddit for hours that night. Until finally I randomly thought about going on an anonymous chat site. I use to do this all the time back during covid when I was stuck in the house So for what ever reason I made a fake girl name and instantly connected to some random dude. I thought it was funny and decided to troll alittle cause why not I guess I just wanted to pass the time. He asked me where i worked and I said a bar (obv I don’t ) and he said “wow u must get hit on a lot u must be hot” and said yeah i do and then I felt really weird about it. So I closed the site down. Fast forward to now I felt like I cheated on my gf by flirting with another guy. Even tho I don’t like guys. It was months ago so I can’t rmeebr exactly how the text went but it was along those words and the convo had to been less then 3 minutes. Now since then all I can think is maybe I wanted the texts to go further. Or what if I said something sexual? What if I liked it sexually? On top of that, it was just a really weird one off thing I did. I mean I have no idea why I pretended to be a hot girl working at a bar lol. I guess I was just trolling or curious idk. Either way it would be really hard to explain to my gf and I don’t really want to tell her. Butttt , since I feel like I cheated I feel awful like I’m horrible person. These last 4 days I keep reading reddit post about ppl cheating on chat rooms and I keep googling to see if I should tell my gf or not. I understand sitting with uncertainty but I need to know desperately if I did something wrong bc my gf deserves to know. But like I said if I told her what happened it such a weird situation that she may think something serious happened. Also I dealt with a porn addiction at the time and I’ve gotten a lot better. So far I’ve been 3 days clean of watching porn and don’t even have the need too. How ever I think the real reason why I feel like I cheated was my intentions altho I went on just joking around I feel like I was on there for something sexual. Which I’m glad I never shared any personal things , pictures or anything graphic and the convo was less then 3 minutes long based off a fake character

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