- Date posted
- 2y
Tired of avoiding
My ocd is literally the worst it has been in my life, it's targeting my beloved cats and it's killing me. I can no longer be in the same room with them, pet them, play with them or anything, because the horrible thoughts and urges make appearance and I get so disturbed and start having so much anxiety I feel physically sick. I've tried every advice i've been told to try not to engage with the thoughts/urges and all that, but I just can't deal with it, when I try ignoring the thoughts and urges they just get stronger, even when i'm doing something I enjoy and distracting myself they're still there. Yesterday I really felt like I was about to act on a harm urge when one of my cats was standing beside me while gardening, of course I didn't want to do that, but I started panicking and even knelt down closer to where she was but I can't really remember if I did it intentionally or involuntarily because I was working with the plants, I didn't even touch her, but I still don't know why I did that isntead of leaving immediately. It hurts me so much because I can see my cats look at me differently, as if they can sense something is wrong and i'm not the same happy and loving owner, and i've been avoiding them at all costs. My babies deserve a better mom than me 😭