Trying to figure out and checking whether I'm attracted to men or not doesn't work anymore, if i imagine kissing a man i no longer feel disgusted(i don't enjoy it either, i can't decide i enjoy it or not )and that is telling me I'm gay, till 6 hours ago i was fine now it is getting more real and real,i really need help!!!
Same mate. I'm holiday with my family at the moment at a place with a watermark. Everyone is wearing swimming costumes so I'm unable to constantly check who I find attractive. I'll see an attractive woman and think 'hmm she's nice' and literally seconds later, see an attractive guy and be in absolute mental agony over whether I find them attracted to them or not. I've never been this bad before. Weird because yesterday I dealt with it fine but today has been hell. I have still never been aroused by a guy, never liked the idea of doing anything with a guy - still almost instantly get aroused by women I'm attracted to, including my wife of course (literally just need to hug or kiss her and I'm physically aroused) - yet I'm still in this mental pain of am I this or that!? Why on earth do our brains work like this? How the hell can I lay there, shut my eyes and just imagine sex with a woman and get a near instant hard on, and yet still worry that i might find practically every single guy I meet attractive!?
@Worto False attraction is a huge symptoms of OCD
Our brain can't control us we control it, Ik this is hard but we can do it, mate. Lets fight for this, yeah this ocd makes us doubt but deep down we know who we are, just remember sexuality doesn't change imiditedly, "you are who you were" just think about the time when you didn't have this ocd and say "fuck it man, I'm gay and yeah that guy is attractive, now what what?" And move on, idk even i can do this or not but atleast we have to try mate, best of luck.we are going to win.
@jj12 What makes it extra painful for me is that I've been here before. I went through years of this shit and clawed my way out of it eventually. There was still some residual issues I never dealt with, but it was like 95% done and dusted. The last few years I even would forget I ever had OCD (despite the bad health anxieties a lot for the time) and would sometimes think 'oh wow that was weird'. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be back here again. But I'm here again. And I feel like it's some sort of sick joke.
@Worto Till one day ago I was basically fine i mean there was ups and downs sometimes i would think I'm straight, man this thoughts are so stupid and the next moment ocd kicks in but now idk what is happening I definitely don't get aroused by man but when I imagine kissing a guy I feel nothing, not disgusting anymore I don't feel nothing and this is killing me,I'm 19 and im suffering from this severly like since 2 months, even back than i used get some intrusive thoughts of naked man and used to get scared if i see a good looking man but i used to ignore it because i knew i was straight all my life i have been girl crazy Even had a massive crush on a girl, i still miss her sometimes but I can't imagine sexual things with her due to this ocd nowadays, i definitely don't want to be with a man but my ocd says you want to be and you are not accepting it you are in denial. This is hard mann.
I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore
what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
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