Hey there, I’m sorry you’re struggling. OCD is ultimately about uncertainty, and although we can never truly be 100% sure about anything, we try to get that certainty through compulsions. The problem is, the more behaviors we do trying to get certain (trying to be sure something won’t or hasn’t happened, trying to prevent something from happening in the future, trying figure it out, seek reassurance, avoid) the less certain we become. It’s so easy to say we need to allow uncertainty, but it’s so hard to do. What worked for me was acknowledging I have OCD, I always felt my concerns were legitimate, therefore just acknowledging I have OCD gave me some space to not jump into compulsions immediately. The problem with our fears is that we always assume they’re true. Acknowledging I have OCD allowed me to accept the possibility that although my fears may be true, they may not be true. I learned, over time, with practice, to be willing to be uncertain. While I was doing the hard work of accepting (that I have OCD, that fears may or may not be true Etc.) I did my best to do value-driven behaviors. Believe me these were very small behaviors, like making my bed, planning a nice dinner for my family, taking a walk in nature, being nice to a neighbor. All my fears followed me, but when they popped in my mind, I labeled them as OCD, moving on. Lot of practice, to this day I’m still doing this, but it does get easier and my life is so much better. Hang in there, it takes practice. But rather than looking for certainty about your relationship, put your time and effort in “setting the stage” for a great relationship. Plan a date night, plan a nice dinner, engage in a meaningful conversation with your partner (not about your fears😀). Allow those thoughts and fears to be there, but don’t engage. Keep directing your attention back to what you want to build. Sorry for the long response. Your post just reminded me of me ❤️
