mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone had ROCD from the start or dating/ relationship?

Been seeing an amazing guy and I'm attracted to him and he treats me better than anyone I've met. I cant be present and I question every single thing and I broke it off because I've only managed one calm lovely month out of 4 but I miss him a lot and still feel terrible. Is this just a breaking up with a lovely man thing or is this regret? I know he will support my mental health through anything and I'm terrified of losing out on him due to this. Thanks in advance and sending so much love to you absolute warriors x

Relationship OCD

cdn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I just read through your post and all of your comments with spookycupcake, and I wanted to throw my 2 cents in there. So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, known him for 4 BUT- we broke up twice in the first year, the second time was almost 10 months before we got back together. I ended it both times because I was having debilitating anxiety and intrusive thoughts (had no clue I had OCD until about a month ago), and we were also dealing with a lot of trauma with his ex wife. So it was just a lot. However, I started having intrusive thoughts about how I SHOULD be feeling very early on in the relationship, maybe 1 to 2 months in. So I do think what you’re going through is normal. My boyfriend and I are talking engagement and marriage within the year, and my OCD has spiked a lot which lead to my diagnosis. I’ve started doing ERP and it’s been a game changer. I still deal with the anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but they’re manageable. I know how to deal with them now. The point is, everyone has doubts about their relationship at one point or another. No relationship is perfect, because no person is perfect. I would strongly encourage you to try to find an OCD therapist if you can.

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much for this - knowing you had this from the start and are still in what I can only assume is a loving and mostly happy relationship honestly makes me so happy for you. I start with a therapist tomorrow. Weirdly found all my old messages from last time I tried this a few years ago with an ex (broke up for non ROCD related reasons) and my messages are exactly the same. I bloody hope this helps because it's ruining every area of my life at this point. Sending you love and so much happiness x

cdn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy You’re welcome! I am still in a loving and (mostly) happy relationship! It’s crazy how clear the patterns become. I hope you find some relief and happiness!!

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@cdw What do you mean by patterns? It got to the point I didn't want to see him because bc of the anxiety and it was just crippling me. Hard to feel hopeful for a future right now relationship wise x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

I question things a lot too with my boyfriend and it is hard to be present sometimes but it sounds like it could potentially be a great relationship if you feel you’re ready for one at the moment

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Yup. It was at the start and still going strong.

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

As in the OCD is still going strong or the relationship is? Either way I'm sending you love x

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy Hahah both! The relationship is getting better and ROCD is still strong. ERP and meds have helped a lot with the ROCD tho.

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeyshark I like this answer a lot! Do you mind if I ask what's meds you are on? X

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeyshark Also, have you had break up urges/ broken up at all? X

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh yeah I didn’t mention for me the relationship is going strong and the rocd (almost positive because I also check every box) is still there but definitely is getting better over time. It’s nice to relate to both of you about this stuff

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm really pleased to hear that - did you find focusing on the values your partner had helped when you couldn't rely on any feelings? X

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

And it's sooooo nice - im really trying to do this for myself and my own future but the thought that I might be able to get back with this lovely person some day (obviously not asking or expecting him to wait) gives me a little extra kick ya know x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy Yes that has helped

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

Start of* dating/ relationship

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

Yes I did looking back, I didn’t realize that I had it since the beginning until reflecting later on but I’m pretty sure it was there the whole time

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you, as in whether it felt 'right etc? I get it with anyone who is genuinely interested in me and available I think. Did you stay together and did anything improve? I promise I won't be triggered by a response I'm just interested x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy Well yes I obsessed a lot about how he wasn’t my “type” I usually went for, both physically and because he isn’t into art like me and doesn’t have the exact same music taste as me, instead he likes science and economics and stuff. And that felt like a huge deal to me, that and the fact that I didn’t always feel as physically attracted to some of his physical traits as I thought I should

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy It’s actually my first relationship and yes we’ve been together for a year and 8 months now and the rocd stuff has been hard but it doesn’t matter to me anymore that we have different interests and even the fact that I didn’t find some of his physical features super attractive improved

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake - I see, so like partner focused I guess? I think mine is very much 'what if I'm meant to feel more' the whole time x

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel like I really was and it was all going great for one month, but also like when it's good I'm still so conscious of like 'oh yay this is how I wanted to feel, this is so great I'm so happy' etc. Its hell isn't it. I think I have this overriding fear or wasting my time/ his time which adds extra stress and urgency maybe. I appreciate you responding so much thank you x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy Yeah it really is hard and anyone you’re dating has the choice to leave if they want to so I wouldn’t focus too much on if you’re wasting their time. And of course!

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake - This is true - its so hard because last month I was so determined to fight this but I feel like the fight has gone out of me to carry on. I feel dread about doing things that should be fun together and it makes me so so sad x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy It makes sense that you would feel sad or avoidant, it’s exhausting stuff

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

Also I do feel slightly less anxious after taking a step back which is feeding the fear, but I'm also terrified I won't find anyone as lovely as him and I was genuinely so so into him less than 2 months ago. It's honestly killing me and I dont know how long it's fair to keep going like this- he is aware and wanting to help but I'm too scared to let him back in until I'm sure and I'm like YOU WONT EVER BE SURE

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah unfortunately you can’t be 100% sure. And I would expect the anxiety about the rightness of the relationship to decrease if there is no relationship to obsess about so I don’t find that alarming at all

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm just scared to go back into it and end it again but I do tick every box for ROCD, it's just scarier this time because I don't have a strong long term relationship to remind myself of and help me through. I didn't realise it could start from basically the beginning and it's hard to commit to someone without having those feelings. Thanks for being so responsive x

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@mollyyy No problem! I feel like I can relate because I didn’t really have much dating experience before my boyfriend and I always felt like I was a separate case than people who were diagnosed with ocd or knew they had it bc there were actual real things I was worrying about like with him not being the “type” of person I would have normally gone for before. He said I love you first and he said he wanted to eventually marry me in the future before I was ready to think that but that’s okay, a lot of these things might not feel like a big deal in the future and it might feel silly to have been so scared about them

spookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake Sorry this has like become my venting session lol

mollyyy

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake Omg honestly vent away! I am so angry at this form of OCD, I'm right there with you. To be honest it def comes up as soon as I go past the 'casual' date stage, but I'm like if this carries on my whole life What is actually the point

BunnyTailz

Date posted: 25w ago

Relationship OCD

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

Bre!

Date posted: 20w ago

Please tell me I’m not alone?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years today because my rocd got so bad and overwhelming i pretty much convinced myself these past three years of my life i wasn’t “actually in love with him” and that I’ve been “faking” it. He means everything to me and i never actually thought i would break up with him but the thoughts were starting to become so painful i started to ruminate about “if im having these thoughts that means i don’t belong with him” and “we arnwt meant to be.”It’s gotten so bad that when i hear a sad song or break up song I’ve convinced myself that since i heard it that means that i need to break up with him. I’ve never felt such intense feelings our whole 3 years of dating. Now that i actually broke up with him my rocd is telling me that i need to get back with him and i really genuinely do but then i feel like ill always feel these doubts and scary thoughts and that it willl be a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I feel like i just lost the love of my life. I feel like i let my rocd get the best of me and win. Now we aren’t together and i feel broken.

Relationship OCD

avaviolet

Date posted: 19w ago

Rocd at 15. Please help

I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(

Relationship OCD

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