I feel so engulfed by these thoughts that I cannot find a way out. It physically and mentally feels real and feels like I’m going to do it. I’m starting to believe this is actually me and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been exactly where you are with harm OCD where I actually thought I was going to do something. It will pass! I promise! You CAN trust yourself!
@Anonymous69 I feel trapped and like I’m becoming someone completely different. Like I want these thoughts to be me.
@pickedpeppers I know. You feel like you’re agreeing with the thoughts. I was just there yesterday and I swear it’s not real. OCD is such an elaborate illusion. I am so so so sorry you’re feeling this right now
@Anonymous69 When I hear “I swear it’s not you” I feel even worse which is why I’m freaking out.
@pickedpeppers Oh I am so so sorry! I understand why it makes it worse. I am here for you as someone who has recovered from the kind of Harm OCD you’re probably facing.
@Anonymous69 Why am I experiencing something that was never me. I genuinely feel like these thoughts are what I’m becoming. I feel like I’m in denial and if I would just give in I would feel better. I feel sick.
@Anonymous69 I physically don’t know what I want at this point
@pickedpeppers How cruel it is for your brain to be telling you such terrible things, and even making you feel a certain way. I know it feels so real. I told my psychologists some VERY similar—if not the same—things and they never looked at me poorly. The thoughts and feelings you’re having are so clearly egodystonic to me. But because I don’t want to make you feel worse in the long run, I won’t offer you reassurance. I do have full faith in you and I know that probably doesn’t feel right. If I was in the same room as you I’d feel safe. Brains like ours LOVE to scream all sorts of convincing things at us and make us feel like we are the threat, we are dangerous, we are in denial.
@Anonymous69 Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate it. Just ever since I found out that my intrusive thoughts were most likely ocd, I felt better for a day, but then it got worse from there. Nothing reassured me anymore and I genuinely feel like someone who would harm someone. I can’t even describe the feeling. It feels like I’m keeping myself from doing something I genuinely want to do. I feel like I’m placing myself in ocd because I want to relate to people and I want an answer but really I just don’t want to except being this person. Everything I say feels like a lie. All the thoughts I give myself to let myself know it’s not me feels like a lie. I just feel like I’m lying to myself and I need to except my fate.
im struggling with this too- im really sorry you’re dealing with this it’s very scary & tiring
We deal with malware in our brains, which can be treated. It's not you, it's the malware called OCD. Don't ask why or how, it just is. HOCD is one of the most common forms and is treatable with ERP. Do you have a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP? Doesn't sound like you do. Why not contact NOCD and ask for a free consultation. It changed my life.
@Steven55! I can’t get a therapist right now because they don’t have my insurance, but I plan to in the future. Also thank you for the knowledge, I appreciate it!
@pickedpeppers - There are a number of very good NOCD podcasts on YouTube that deal with harm OCD. That can help you until you begin therapy.
@pickedpeppers - Here's another video on OCD Harm that might be helpful (remember, if it is triggering, do your ERP!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHCtK_KWiSE
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(
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