Okay girls, something that really really bothers me is that hocd also took my girly side. The love for fashion, makeup, skincare all that is gone. Like i dont feel the passion and the joy of it snymore and i hate it so much. I always couldnt wait to be like 17 because i could wesr woman clothing and i could wear heels. But hocd got me sort of depressed and i cant feel the joy of doing thst snymore and i csnt deal with it. It used to make me so so happy. Whenever i was sad my way of coping and selfcare was putting on a mask and paint my nails or something but it just doesnt feel the same anymore. I hate thst i cant be the girly me i used to be. I feel like im just a big mess right now and ive waited so long for it to come back but it just never seems to happen. My biggest dream was to work in the fashion industry and ever since i was a child and it hurts me so much to see my childhood dreams go to waste. I feel so bad for the young girl me who had so much potential and she just was so driven and motivated and now im stuck. I litteraly am ruining myself and my chances in life. I havent felt genuine joy ever since hocd. I miss the feeling of womanhood just being a girl. I always have been girly since i was young and i just feel thst feeling fading away everyday and i miss it so much. Just wanting to dress up and also wanting to dress up for a cute guy u know all of those normal feelings are gone and it makes me someone im completely not.

This obsession is new, but feels so much more grounded and it’s so anxiety inducing. Since the ocd started I’ve lost my sense of self and confidence. I got soocd and it slowly turned into be doubting my identity on whether I want to identify or dress masculine or feminine. I don’t feel good in the clothes I would typically wear out before I’m constantly overanalyzing how I’m feeling , it makes me really anxious and like I’m preforming. So then I started doubting if I would rather dress masculine and it’s extremely anxiety inducing and idk if it’s the ocd now but it feels like that’s how I want to dress.. that’s not what I associated with at all before the ocd but now it feels like that’s what would make me feel fully confident and loose in the world, does anyone else experience this??

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things… I’ve desired them so much and I’ve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that it’s all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. I’m so tired of being alive. I’m so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. I’m so tired. Cause y’all probably didn’t even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of y’all would’ve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someone’s worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.