- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Hookup past event ocd +18
Don’t really know how to start this off but I’ve been having a lot of stress and dread about this hookup I had 2 years ago. I’m very shameful, embarrassed and angry at myself for what I did to myself. About two years I was in this phase where I just wanted a hookup. I do not remember why but I just did. Well I got tinder and found this partner, but this partner was not at all my preference. With respect, I was not physically attracted to her but I was drawn by the opportunity to meet up and hookup as I was a virgin* and wanted to get it “on”. We agreed to oral sex and the date was set. Through text we made sure* we were clean and I had told her it was my first time. Anyways we meet up and I drank a bit to loosen up and feel less anxious for what I was about to do, as soon as I saw her in person I felt a pit in my stomach, she did not look at all how I thought she did but I was already there and didn’t know how to pull out of the situation. So I chived on and got in her car and we’ll we got started. It was horrible. My first sexual experience and it was horrible, I was miserable, and I wanted it to end. I know it’s because she was like I stayed with respect and not to body shame, she was not my preference of partner nor physical standards and I mean by a long shot. Anyways she swallowed, sorry for the nasty info but this is crucial, and we’ll we went on our night. That night I had bad ideas and feelings. I thought I screwed up my life and all that type of stuff and etc. I’ve gotten over the ocd and anxiety of stds and what not but as of recent I’ve been having ocd loophole thoughts of “what if she impregnated herself” “ what if I have a kid” “ what if she’ll reach out to me to tell me” “ what if the kid will reach out to me”, then I even had this doubtful thought of “ what I’d she wasn’t a “she” “. I feel sick and afraid for all these worries I have. I just wanted to share and see if anyone had feedback. Thank you for your time.