Feeling deep body dysphoria and questioning my gender identity—help needed.

Can someone please help me? PLEASE. I NEED SOMEONE

I’m so fucking torn and so fucking lost. The last couple days, I feel like something in me has switched. I feel horrible about my body, especially my boobs and my vagina. I feel uncomfortable with anything female about myself and I feel like I need to GET OUT of my body. I feel so hyper aware of my breasts and I can’t ignore them. Looking at my body makes me anxious and feel nauseated. I can’t function, I’m dreading showering tomorrow. I always have a physical sensation of something in my lower region. My voice and face and name and pronouns trigger me and make me uncomfortable. The intrusive thoughts are either gone or are in the form of feelings. I’ll look at my face and suddenly I will feel like I don’t like it and it makes me uncomfortable. I DONT WANNA BE TRANS BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS DYSPHORIA. I feel like I finally understand WHY people transition. I feel like I need to change something because this feeling feels permanent. I’ve been wearing baggy masculine clothes every day because anything feminine makes me nauseous and feel horrible. I just wanna separate myself from anything female right now. Furthermore, I now usually “perceive” myself as a man. It’s like there is a man inside of me. Literally i sometimes feel like a male in a woman’s body. I keep imagining myself as this man character in my head, everything I do I feel like him. I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been having panic attacks and sobbing hysterically all day yesterday and today. The thought of ACTUALLY being trans is so fucking scary that it makes me cry and feel sick but the way I feel right now I feel like I need to be transgender and become male or else I will live in this horrible foggy misery forever. This has only been 2 days. Is it weird that I feel like I don’t even want my old self back, or that I don’t want it to be OCD???? It feels REAL. Can OCD do this because I genuinely hate my femaleness right now and I SEE myself as a male. Everything about my past feels so superficial and fake and like it was never me. I feel like this is me. And I cannot stress how fucking deep this feels. I feel like I genuinely want the surgery now. Everything feels so different. I need help. When I look at symptoms of TOCD, I feel like that’s ME! I did all of these in the very beginning. And I feel relieved but not convinced. But now, I relate more to dysphoria than actual TOCD. Is this something that can happen?

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey, I'm sure you've heard that OCD is called "the doubting disorder". It will literally make us doubt anything and everything. The problem is, the more we try to figure it all, remember, solve the issue, be sure, the less sure we become. OCD will always present another what if, accompanied by an horrible emotional distress. This emotional distress is horrible, I know it well. The trick is to get out of your head, stop trying to answer the questions. My therapist explained to me that my constant checking to see if the anxiety was still there, if I felt better about what was bothering me, etc. was also a compulsion. You have to let it go. You have to decide I'm going to allow this uncertainty and these uncomfortable feelings. Maybe try for a few hours (or a few minutes) truly just be. I would say to myself, "OK, for the next hour, whenever the thoughts or feelings popped in my mind "nope - not going there". It was so hard, I cried for the first hour I let my thoughts/distress be there. It takes time and practice. Keep trying to accept and allow the uncertainty and distress. Try to not "figure it out", take some deep breaths, do something you enjoy - get outside, read, watch tv. Recovery from OCD is hard work. Allowing uncertainty and distress when our amygdala is firing "threat" "threat" "threat" isn't easy. Maybe take it one moment at a time. Don't try and project into the future. You are teaching your brain a new way to deal with uncertainty, with not trying to figure it all out. Hang in there, it will get better.

Username: bayleaf 🌱bayleaf 🌱

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I struggle with ROCD and to me im like should I break up with him? But it helps me to think “ok what is the urgency? I don’t have to decide right now. I’m going to deal with that later so even if it is the wrong relationship or the right relationship I don’t have to get married tomorrow or break up with him today.” And then try to move on from it. So for you maybe that looks like thinking “okay maybe I am trans maybe I’m not. I don’t have to get the surgery right now so I don’t need to figure this out right now.” Instead of ruminating on the thought

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous I feel like it’s not about decision. It’s about actually feeling discomfort towards my own gender.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rage against the machine - What if you allowed the "discomfort toward your own gender" to be there? Allow it, don't try to figure it out or do anything about it. Rather direct your attention towards your life - what is going on around you. You are making a decision to not figure that out at the moment. The more you try and get rid of that feeling, the stronger it becomes.

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 1y ago

This feeling is so CONSTANT. Although I did feel calmer at my boyfriends house and more happy and more like myself. This put into perspective for me that when I’m perceiving myself as a male and thinking about how much I hate my femaleness I’m very very anxious and very very miserable however when I’m thinking more about being me and being natural I feel much better. However there is still a doubt in my chest that I like looking feminine

Username: cato4

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m scared that I want to be a boy! I’ve been diagnosed with Harm OCD about 5 weeks ago and all of a sudden my thoughts have changed into me wanting to be a boy! I’m a 14 year old girl who’s never thought or wanted to be a boy before. I would rather the thoughts just go but sometimes the thoughts make me imagine life as a boy and it doesn’t seem that bad which then gives me anxiety because it makes me think that I might want to become a boy! I’ve always been a girly girl and loved dresses and makeup but ever since I’ve got the thought (which came out of no where) I’ve been avoiding makeup and avoiding seeing my friends! I get so scared that I might turn transgender and that I want to be a boy. Help. Is it ocd or am I trans?

"Pure" OCD

Username: Imaan7

Date posted: 2y ago

TW*** Im at a loss of words now, i think I just realized Im transgender last night and had a massive panic attack. I googled tocd when i already had a feeling that its not tocd and ended up reading someones post who transitioned from a boy to a girl and many other comments about how they were in denial and I was able to relate to quite many things there, it sent me into an attack, ive literally never felt something like that before, my whole body shook, knees felt weak and couldnt focus, went to sleep and had dreams, everything in the dream was relating to transgender and woke up with anxiety and feel completely broken down and hollow inside, I can barely talk, my face looks like an empty void and droopy. I dont know what to do, I feel extreme shame and embarassment, my whole life flashed before me and how this would affect my family and my life. It really feels like this is the real me, and now I feel like Ive never actually felt like a proper man because I didnt know what It felt like and I was just acting to be a man and theres alot of proof that came with with it. I dont know what im going to do guys, this really cant be happening man. Someone help please please

Username: aprilmava

Date posted: 2y ago

people with TOCD, please lmk if you feel like this I’ve always been happy with the gender I’ve been. Female . A girl. Doing girly girl things such as makeup , fashion , doing nails, and etc and have never once thought about switching my gender . I like my body and have been comfortable with whom I’ve been. And I’ve always been comfortable with my she/her pronouns and all that stuff . But ever since I got TOCD it’s like “do you?” And I think it’s creating false feeling and false thoughts. Like I’ve never thought about being the opposite gender and I’ve never liked male items but now every time idk I try to do an “ exposure “ I’m like “a dress or a suit” and my brain would pick a suit but I’ve never wanted to wear a suit . I would want to wear a dress and it makes me feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I’m already a man?? Like I’m not sure :( but it makes me feel uncomfortable but I already got used to it and I’m like “wow I severely need a therapist now to help me” I don’t want a penis but I get intrusive thoughts about you do and coming out to my family and stuff like that’. I don’t like or want to look masculine but I think my brain wants to but I don’t :( that’s why I feel like I’m in denial but I really don’t want to :( It feels like my personality just completely switched like that In an instant . I don’t want to be a man but I got used to this feeling :( My friend also did a tarot card reading on me and told me I’m in some sort of denial which I don’t wanna believe since she’s absolutely new .

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Feeling deep body dysphoria and questioning my gender identity—help needed.

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