I just don't know anymore like the false attractions feel too real and believable it's hard to sit with them to make me see it's not real when they appear on people I know and strangers. I know I don't consciously want it but maybe something deep down I'm not in control does. I hate feeling this way.
I feel exactly the same. I even get these thoughts of “it would be so liberating if you finally accept you’re bi” “I know I’m bi, I’ve always known” “I’ve always been different ever since I was a kid, I always looked at women too much” and they really get me cuz they sound so convincing and like something I really want. I also get these attractions and they drive me crazy because they feel so real. It just feels like I’m gonna flirt with a woman or want to have sex with her. It feels right but it’s SO wrong. Idk what’s wrong with me, but I feel lots of hate towards myself and guilt. I just wanna be straight….
This is going on so long that I barely notice those types of thoughts because I'm more focused on the body sensations which are not something we can control I know but I don't want them to happen. I want to be only friends with same sex.
@Kalalalala Me too Kal!
@My OCD Academia What a relief to know I’m not the only one.
And it sounds SO fucking real and like it makes sense. That’s what really gets me. I think our brain starts to kind of get confused and make us feel this way? Like it thinks you actually want to do all those things but you don’t? Idk man, tbh brains are WEIRD. Not even humans can explain what goes on in it completely. And the same goes for sexual orientation. People are still debating on whether it’s innate, or just something that results from life experiences, or both, or more factors. It is a widely misunderstood topic. People say it’s not a “choice” but I think it is. You don’t choose who to be attracted to but you DO choose to act on it or not. To me, that’s what matters the most. Scientists are still studying attraction and how our brain works. Maybe in the future we will be able to choose our sexual orientations (not that there’s anything wrong with any of them, but it would be nice to choose our preferences).
Heh. I hope you haven't gone too far down the rabbit hole of researching that stuff like I used to because I brought it up in other comments. Orientation studies are never going to be done anymore I don't think Simply because too much of the world wants to just leave it be as normal human nature which it is. but why should anyone be forced by some fluke to be something they don't want or value. Joke: if you believe the theories that your mom is responsible based on hormones in the womb then could you technically sue her in the future LMAO.
I'm honestly becoming very scared that I'm just experiencing real attraction and passing it off as false attraction because of all of the symptoms I experience seem to point that way. Who else has their heart rate actually physically spike with real people of the same sex or any content words or images dealing with the same sex and groinal responses which aren't always just a tinge usually are at the same time as well. My brain has pretty much made association that same sex must = sex. I hate it so so much!!
me too man. these feelings feel so real and it sucks i cannot have a simple interaction with a male anymore without making sure I do my best to appear more “straight”. I can’t live my entire life doing this and i feel so out of it.
I don't have those kinds of thoughts about trying to appear straight tbh it's just I can't stop feeling it in my body and a feeling like something will happen against my will if I let go.
@jdd I got that feeling too! I’m working on the compulsion of trying to be more masculine. Deepening my voice, walking or standing more masculine becomes so tiring after a while and when you do some many compulsions you get worn out but it feels like if you don’t do them, you’re accepting the scary thoughts.
@My OCD Academia I feel like any kind of thought or image in my head that is related to a male in any way, or the presence of or seeing an image of, my mind&body treats it as attraction and chest and groinal responses tend to occur against my will :(
@jdd Do your best to not give that any reaction, no matter how scary. I have groinal checks all the time and make sure I am not getting aroused. I understand this is a compulsion so it’s something I must work on but know, you’re not alone
@My OCD Academia I feel like I lost though because the groinal check is virtually indistinguishable from beginnings of arousal so how can I truly say I'm not getting aroused.
Also I pretty much refuse to give in to actually test with same sex to find out now if I even like it. So how is it OCD if I can refuse to do that and my mind & body still does what it does.
@jdd ME TOO! But I get these feelings like “just do it already, experiment” “break up with your bf, stop faking it” it’s awful. I will not give in. I WILL NEVER experiment. I’d rather be in the closet for life if that’s what it takes because I choose to be straight.
@Kalalalala Right? I also don't do compulsion to specifically check the same sex though only when I felt something first. I used to though try to test specifically with compulsions though and it usually gave me doubts because of the reactions.
@jdd I have so many doubts that I'm even experiencing anxiety even. Like same sex related words, "male" "guy", "gay", and names almost always give me a groinal response and I'm frequently annoyed by it to the point where I typically need to check mentally or physically check...
@jdd And now I just had an intrusive "daydream" while laying down that was ick. And unknown person all together
@jdd I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. It can definitely be very debilitating. You know what sucks?? I also get triggered by random words. I get triggered by absolutely everything. Example: I was looking into “health in all sizes” and like body positivity, and it took me a while to accept it because I was bullied as a kid but I finally did. So my brain automatically made the connection and said “it’s the same thing. You don’t wanna accept it because it doesn’t align with your values, but you know it’s true and you’re just living in a heteronormative society. You’re just a comphet.” 😭😭
can false attractions be triggered by specific people only? this might come off as reassurance-seeking (and to an extent, it might be) but i’m getting so worried that this might not be SOOCD and i’m genuinely attracted to these specific people.
Hello, so my biggest problem and possibly the biggest gate from me escaping Hocd is well, false attraction. So the feelings and thoughts I get get 100 percent of the time aren't sexually(don't get groinal responses, never in my life and still to this day don't want to have sex with dudes or see them naked. Nor romantical thoughts really(il get images but I kind of identify it as,"if I liked them, I would keep it going, like I romanticize about women before hocd") but the physical feeling is what's messing me up. its like now 60 percent of dudes I see attractive now, and I dont want to be attracted to them. it just feels now like physical attraction or emotional attraction, i keep getting the urge to look at them and i feel like idk how to explain like tense or some feeling that i cant explain maybe? and what sucks is when I try to say,"its Just HOCD, you never felt like this," and now i get doubts or it feels like i did get these thoughts. I'm just asking if this is just hocd again because it feels very real, and what sucks is Ido if I have distress or anxiety feeling anymore
Can SOOCD start from a feeling of false attraction? Feeling like I’m the only one whose started this way making me think I’m in denial :( another tough day of rumination!
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