bri ★
- Date posted
- 2y
help
i feel like this is not hocd and im scared of just coming out because of how it first started for me
KalalalalaKalalalala
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
How did it start for you if you don’t mind me asking? Maybe I can help you better…
bri ★bri ★
- Date posted
- 2y
@Kalalalala my mom one day randomly asked me if i was gay as a joke because of a rainbow i had on my lock screen when i was 13 and i said no and then started thinking “what if i am gay?” and then i started asking myself if i ever like a girl and then i started questioning if i liked one of my friends cuz i was rlly close to her i never thought abt her like that before that but i remember asking my gay friends if they could give me advice cuz i was “questioning” and they told me that they panicked when they’re mom asked if they were gay it was different for me because i didn’t think i was gay at the time but after that i started questioning if i really was straight or not and then i said that i don’t think my mother would approve if i was bi idk if i said this because i was scared of it or not but i did think abt her maybe not accepting me for it but i really didn’t know if i liked my friend or not so i think i was more scared of me liking my friend and being with women than coming out but eventually i did end up telling my mom abt it she didn’t care and i wasn’t scared of coming out but i was still scared of being gay and being with a women but i’m scared that this makes me just scared of coming out
bri ★bri ★
- Date posted
- 2y
@bri ★ sorry if this is long btw
jddjdd
- Date posted
- 2y
@bri ★ What was their panic about though?
bri ★bri ★
- Date posted
- 2y
@jdd i don’t remember much but i remember being panicked abt not knowing who i was and being scared that i liked my friend and not realizing it
KalalalalaKalalalala
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Sounds to me like you’re straight and you’re just coming out because your OCD is telling you to. This is literally the definition of OCD. In my case, I know I’m not gay or bi because I don’t give a shit about what people think. Even if they accepted me I still wouldn’t be ok with it because it doesn’t sit right with me you know?? Maybe “coming out” was actually a compulsion for you. Don’t give up. I’m sure it’s just your OCD. Talk to a therapist about this, I’m sure it’ll be more helpful. I personally think about being with a woman and my body finds it disgusting cuz I get nausea but my brain tells me that I like it. It is extremely distressing, I understand… but you’ll get better. Try to not fixate on this too much and live your life normally. Go out with friends, eat your favorite foods, stay hydrated and maybe meditate. Take care of yourself!
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 22d
Hey can you help me? My HOCD started like i was bullied in high school that im gay so i always afraid to become one. Im suprised that i wasn't triggered back then. Years later i just got homosexual thoughts that i tried to push away and then it became loudlyer. I hope that it's just traumatized me that they bullied me
Related posts
anonymous1348
- Date posted
- 20w
hocd
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
johnsarry
- Date posted
- 16w
had very bad hocd need help
i'm positive i was attracted to women before this got a thought when i was high thought really really deeply into and changed my life now im 24/7 scared im gay ive always been attracted to girls but early in my sexual life where im at ive always got with girls and seemed a little disapointed after would love help and to hear past experiences
user74128588493
- Date posted
- 16w
hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond