My words feel empty

I'm tired of feeling like nobody is truly listening to me, and feeling all alone despite trying my hardest to explain what I'm going through. I feel unloved. I feel unnecessary. I feel like there isn't any comfort for me, and despite therapy, I still feel terribly depressed. It might be my fault why I'm still doing poorly, though. Whenever I am not directly ruminating, these feelings are in the back of my mind. I feel like talking about it isn't helping me feel less alone, and so I don't even know why I am typing this. What I probably need is to be alone for a while and not talk to people about this.

Religion & Spirituality OCD

set_me_free:)

Date posted: 2y

If you need to talk you can talk to me

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Thanks but I've talked to my therapist, my aunt even... it seems like talking isn't helping. One good thing is, I am getting less anxious during actual erp exercises, but outside of that, I still experience the same lows -- and I can easily relapse, which would probably be my bad for giving in to rumination. It seems like people disregard the point of what I'm saying and try to disprove me instead of acknowledging the very things that are obvious, things they would say anytime else except when they know it would hurt my feelings, but I like honesty and truth

messkat55

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Wow I can so relate to this. I feel so unheard, especially in therapy. I also have the same issue about wanting to hear the truth as opposed to being flattered. I'd be interested in hearing more of your struggles. Maybe we can help each other.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@messkat55 I don't know... That's about all I can say when it comes to feeling uheard. I tell people stuff, I don't feel like they really understand, and I leave, for me to for some reason return and have the cycle repeat, which makes me feel lonelier. The actual things that I obsess over seem to be, at least in part, true and like I need to do ERP for things I need to accept. I feel like people don't need me, and that I could watch the people in my life live a life without me and be just as happy -- friends, family, partner, etc. Think "It's a Wonderful Life" but when the main character sees what could have been without him, it is pretty much the same. And as a Christian who is a Gentile and not Jewish, I see that the Bible says that I am "grafted in contrary to nature" and that the gospel is "first to the Jew, then to the Gentile" and that is something I need to accept, that I am not a natural part of Jesus's target audience; that Jesus loves the Jews, and also the Gentiles, like someone might love their family, and also their neighbors, if that makes any sense.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous And like what I said about people trying to disprove me, they try to say "but Jesus loves everyone because this and this verse" but I know that -- as true as those verses are -- the other verses that say that I am not a "natural branch" of God's people is also equally true. And even if those other verses did mean that God loved me equally (which I'm not entirely sure about interpretation of those verses and how important they really mean I am to God) that wouldn't mean I was God's first choice and the other verses I bring up are still true as well

flyana

Date posted: 21w

oh my god, I'm struggling today

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

Vee4

Date posted: 17w

Rant

I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.

moon0270

Date posted: 15w

Isolated

I have this strong yearning to tell my mother all my thoughts and what I go through on a daily basis but then I get scared of what she'll think of me or that she'll worry even more and feel like it's her fault. I just want someone to understand what im going through but whenever I even begin to explain my thoughts to my therapist, she doesn't really get it and today it feels like no one ever will. like I try to make my therapist understand and bless her heart, she's super compassionate and understands how much pain it causes me but beyond that, it still feels like im not able to fully convey it. I'm sure this is something many people can relate to, but still. I feel alone.

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My words feel empty

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