rocd compulsions taking a toll on relationship

@haileyd04 it’s just so confusing and hard for me just being new to all of this to accept that my feelings are just feelings and everything doesn’t have to feel right for it to be something i want to do. the over analyzing is so real for me too and it causes so many problems honestly.

@Brendan =] i’m not yet but i’m trying to get into it because i don’t want this to have control over my life anymore. i feel like they really are and i do all of the things you just listed and it’s being so hard on me and us right now, and i am finding it so hard for the thoughts to just sit there but i do want to learn how. thank you for this response

@Brendan =] The response I made I deleted because after what you said it kind of triggered me in a way, how do u know the difference between ROCD and actual relationship problems? If reassurance doesn’t help what does? Does sitting with it just make it go away? It feels like a constant battle between my head and if I don’t resolve something I feel like it will go on forever so is just accepting the worst what I need to do? I’m very new to this and it’s all scaring and confusing me.

@🛝 I’m sorry if my message of reassurance isn’t what you were supposed to hear. I’m very confused and new to all this and it scares me and makes me emotional and I’m just trying to figure it out myself

@Brendan =] I can’t see your other reply anymore but, if attempting to differentiate your real thoughts from rocd thoughts, and issues caused by rocd from real relationship issues, is harmful and in a way a compulsion, in what way should you go about treating rocd and treating these thoughts and how should you go about identifying them i guess?

@haileyd04 It’s alright! I completely understand I’m very new to all of this too and it is extremely confusing, no hard feelings here whatsoever!

@haileyd04 Hi Hailey and 🛝, First, please accept my apology for a long delay in responding. I work graveyard shift here in Las Vegas and had to work today so I went to bed shortly after posting yesterday. Second, in retrospect, it may not have been the right way to go on my part to throw so much information that was triggering at you in my last post when you don’t have the support of an ERP therapist to help you navigate your concerns, regardless of the fact that everything I said is part of treatment. Now that it’s out there, let me clarify. We can’t differentiate between OCD concerns and normal thoughts with complete accuracy and certainty. This is true for pretty much any doubt. If my brain is telling me I’m going to lose control and harm someone, there is a chance that could happen. Telling ourselves that our struggles “are just OCD” is a compulsion. It’s a response to the thought and it provides relief as well as feeds the disorder and allows it to grow. In ERP therapy, (the only therapy that is effective for OCD,) you’ll learn to accept uncertainty and to go on with your life, and that there’s no certainty in a lot of things. There’s no guarantee that when someone gets in a car that they’re going to safely reach their destination. There’s no guarantee that I won’t be injured or killed at my next shift at work. I’m still going to get in my car and go to work, and I’m still going to show up for my next shift. Hopefully that helps. The best way to get better is to work with an OCD therapist and to do exposure and response prevention. I use NOCD and am seeing improvement. The tough thing is this is unlikely to improve without treatment but it is thankfully very treatable. It just requires more than any person could give you in a community forum like this. Please let me know if anything is triggering or if you have questions. I’m more than happy to talk with you guys.

@Brendan =] Thank you for this response yet again! Very little about this was triggering to me, and I understood very much of it. It does kind of suck to know that it most likely won’t improve without treatment but I’m trying to find ways to go about that as well as staying in regular talk therapy in the meantime as a means to deal with other issues.

@Brendan =] Everything you said was perfect in the way you worded it not triggering at all, I have set up an appointment with an OCD therapist through this app and hopefully will be willing to find one around my area to help me. I’ve read a lot of things like what your saying and in my stage right now it’s hard for me. But thank you for everything you said and explaining

@Brendan =] Hi! sorry to bother, could you possibly explain what a backdoor spike is or is like with rocd?

@haileyd04 Hi Hailey and 🛝, I’m happy to hear that my new response was less triggering for you. I feel for you guys and really wish I could take away the pain and suffering that you feel from the monster ROCD. I know it all too well. It hurts and it sucks. One mistake I made was having reservations about this treatment working and not putting my full faith into it. I told my NOCD therapist at session this week I feel like I’m finally “jumping out of the plane” and taking my leap of faith with ERP and over the few weeks I have actually committed, I’ve already seen a positive shift. At the end of this month it will be one year since I started my treatment and having reservations has held me back greatly. I hope you can learn from my mistake and engage and trust fully in treatment and really find the courage to honestly identify and eliminate all your compulsions when in treatment, as uncomfortable as it can be. Since you each said you were new to this and really scared, I wanted to take a quick second to tell you a bit about the ERP process and what it’s like, (without giving therapeutic advice, of course.) In your first session, the intake, you will talk to your therapist and they will make sure you have OCD and may give you a bit of information about the condition and how it works. In your second session you’ll likely be able to talk about the thoughts that are bothering you, and they’ll give you ways to respond to them without engaging with them, and some grounding techniques for when spirals are happening. You’ll learn about your responses to thoughts and how trying to figure them out is exactly what OCD wants. You’ll also learn about compulsions or rituals aimed at providing relief and feeling better. The only problem is that they reinforce the cycle and condition. It makes it stronger and keeps you stuck in the cycle/ loop. In these early sessions, you’ll also create a hierarchy with your therapist of things that you’re avoiding which are probably too triggering to do. Your therapist will have you rate how scary or hard these seem. They will then work with you on doing them as homework starting with the easiest, with advice and tips on how to do them correctly, without compulsions and without too much distress. Usually you are only assigned one between each session. In your next sessions you will work on exposure. This is where you increase your distress in a controlled environment by doing a triggering activity and respond without compulsions. This is done over and over in sessions and for homework to teach you that you can handle discomfort without compulsions and your feared outcomes don’t come true. You will work together to recognize your go-to compulsions and how to accept the discomfort of exposure. Moving forward you will continue exposures and response prevention and work specifically on areas you are struggling with and how to use ERP in your daily life once you start doing things you’re no longer avoiding. I hope this summary is useful and helps a little bit. It’s a very different treatment method than regular talk therapy, which again is ineffective for OCD. ERP is very structured and can help get you your life back. I hope you guys are well. =] I’m here for you guys and will be more than happy to talk further.

@haileyd04 I’m thrilled to hear you set up an appointment. I’d actually recommend working with the NOCD therapist long-term as treating OCD with ERP is all these therapists do. They will help you get the treatment you need. I don’t see a need for finding one in your area as that may not even be possible depending on where you live. Video therapy on Zoom is just as effective.

@🛝 Hey 🛝! I don’t want to pretend to be an expert when I’m not, but I don’t think I’m familiar enough with back door spikes to answer you. Maybe they just haven’t come up for me? I will encourage you to research it but also, please use caution. Googling can quickly become reassuring and compulsive. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be of more help.

@Brendan =] Oh that’s completely fine! All your other help is still so much appreciated!

@Brendan =] if i can’t or shouldn’t attempt to differentiate my ocd from regular issues then how should i go about treating it or even identifying my obsessions or the effect that all of this is having on my relationship?