Hello everyone. I have been having horrible thoughts ever since I turned 13, and now I’m almost 16, and still having them. When I turned 13, the thoughts were constant and nearly drove me to kill myself. I thought about killing my family and pets constantly, but, worst of all, especially my mother. Now, I sleep with my door closed to try to stop the thoughts and to keep from hearing or seeing my mom or dad. I love my parents and pets, especially my mother— she’s an amazing woman, and has done so much for me, but yet I’m still having these damn thoughts. I was at a bad school when I was 13, and then moved to another when I was 14. After a switched schools, the thoughts gradually began to lessen, but every few months, they get really bad again for a few weeks (I still have them daily out of those bad few weeks, but when they get bad, they get bad.) I’m currently going through one of those spurts. I have tried to talk to my dad about getting help, and even though he said that he’ll look for a therapist, it’s been nearly a year, and I still haven’t gotten help. I desperately want these thoughts to stop because I feel like a horrible person and I love my parents, family, and pets so much, but I’m terrified of opening up to my dad and telling him everything that I think about (I also have thoughts about sexually abusing children, but I don’t want to do it! I’m not attracted to children whatsoever, but I’m still thinking about it.) My self-esteem is absolutely horrible, and I feel like a monster for thinking about these things. I’m very much a daddy’s girl, and if he is disgusted or angry at me, then I honestly don’t know how I’d handle it. I really, really need help, but just don’t know how to go about doing it (I’ve thought about going to the school councilor, but they’ve made it known that, if they’re concerned about a student, that they’ll either contact their parents or the police.) My dad has said to just calm down and relax, but I literally can’t. We have mental illnesses on my mom’s side, and many of those people take pills, and when I’ve talked to my dad about my anxiety and depression, he’s said that pills aren’t the answer. Honestly, at this point I don’t care what treatment I get— all I care about is these thoughts stopping. I’m sorry if this is rambling and a little confusing, but my mind is all over the place right now. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l

I'm 15 turning 16 soon and I'm 100 percent convinced I have ocd.. I have been having major symptoms since I was 13, the constant what ifs, rumination, compulsions, guilt, anxiety from intrusive thoughts. I tried to open up about it to my parents when i was 13 but they dismissed it cause they don't believe in mental health.. I really want to get better. My parents won't listen to me and I don't wanna tell a teacher at school cause that would make things worse as they would just tell my parents and obviously since I'm 15 I can't afford therapy.. I don't know what to do :(

I’ve been struggling so much these past few weeks. I’ve been so anxious and just have had nonstop crazy,weird disgusting thoughts and idk anymore. Like I’m not diagnosed but I recently researched about it and it explained everything I’ve been experiencing like exactly. But I’m also very young so idk what’s happening I’m just so confused. I barely slept today cause the thoughts just wouldn’t stop. I have only told my dad about what’s been happening and he told me that he does want to help me and stuff and find someone that could help me but then I just feel like he dosent care, like when I talked to him about it about how I suspect I had it he just like completely changed the subject. But he did bring it up yesterday which was good i guess. And I’ve posted here before and people have been really nice and told me that just because I’m not diagnosed that doesn’t mean my experiences aren’t valid and I appreciated that a lot but I don’t know I just keep doubting everything. I’m also worried because my brother actually has OCD and ADHD and more stuff and I know how stressful it was for my parents to understand him and stuff and if I turn out to actually have OCD as well then I just feel like I’m going to be something else they have to worry about and stress about.