- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Stop all of this praking, coming out stories, etc. All of those are compulsions! They are feeding the obsession big time. --- People genuinely attracted to the same gender are not wandering in OCD forums. You are obsessed about this because of your own values and upbringing. You have a hyperactive amygdala watching out for danger where there is none. You guys need an OCD specialist.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes. At least in my situation im afraid that if I were lesbian I’d have to leave my boyfriend and come out and all that. I don’t want to do that. I want to be happy with my boyfriend and I am but when I’m away from him the thoughts get stronger.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know your situation but the majority of my anxiety if not all comes from me not wanting to be lesbian, this is also what I have heard from most other people with HOCD. But maybe that’s just because your less homophobic than me¿ idk
- Date posted
- 6y
@hocdgirlsummer yea i totally get what you’re saying. i actually did hear that before! i was laying in bed a few mins before you commented and i just kept thinking, “people say that the difference between HOCD and being gay is that when you’re gay, the thing u fear is coming out. I’M afraid of being lesbian and coming out, that must mean i’m gay”. i just keep repeating that over and over again UGH. i just don’t know what to do anymore.
- Date posted
- 6y
yea for sure. i don’t even know why i’m freaking out so much; i’m reacting to this as if i’m actually lesbian and preparing to come out to my family. i feel like i’m in the closet, even the the closet doesn’t even exist for me haha. thanks so much, you too !
- Date posted
- 6y
I agree with Fernando. It’s not normal to think about your sexuality during every waking moment, no matter how confused you are.
- Date posted
- 6y
You know, I THINK my family wouldn't support me, but in reality they probably would. It might we the same in your situation. I have an idea, maybe try pranking 1 or a couple of your family member by saying your lesbian. Just say hey guess what I'm lesbian. See what their reaction is. Then afterword you could say just kidding. You could even open up a little bit about having OCD about it, or u could leave at just kidding. It would be pretty brave to do that but it might be worth a shot.
- Date posted
- 6y
a while ago i was talking to my mom about how a person we know came out and i said something along the lines of, “i had never even thought about being lesbian but then one day i just thought, ‘could i be lesbian?’ and then started to repeatedly ask myself that”. she responded with, “wait, you don’t actually think you’re lesbian right?” and then i of course said no. i know they would still love me but that’s just because i’m their daughter/sister/cousin/niece/etc. i’ve obviously known them my whole life and just from hearing what they say and how they react to other people being gay, I have a feeling that they really wouldn’t support me. at all. i come from a very christian house and a very faith driven family so if i were to be lesbian, it would destroy everyone.
- Date posted
- 6y
Ive read some ppl saying that the difference between hocd and acc being gay is dat when ur acc gay the anxiety u get is from the social acceptance. Snd when ur hocd u get anxiety becaus eu dont know if u want ro be with a girl Or boy. I dont know if that triggered u if so im sorry but personally i think that you can also have hocd and can be scared of the social acceptance. Because i ger from both things anxiety too. Like i really wanna be with boys again thats the major part i get anxiety about like i wanna be with boys but ims cared i will never be sble to. And then when i think further like having to tell my fam i aslo get anxiety becasue theyre nit accepting too. But like mostly i dont even go there because i somewhere know that this is bullshit. I totally think its normal to also stress bout that if ur hocd especially when ur fam is nit accepting.
- Date posted
- 6y
Also coming out gives me anxiety becasue people are gonna be like: w t f bc ive always been boy crazy and always wnated a husband sonlittersly people would be s h o c k e d as hell. But yeah i think its normal to get anxiety from itnsnd still have hocd
- Date posted
- 6y
I hear you, I come from a Christian home to. And they say homophobic things sometimes also. But love and support go hand in hand. If you mean they may not want to be as close to you as before, then yea some of them might. But you can't let that stop you from being who you are, right? You'll always have their love and that's really all you need. But as far as agreeing with who you are, would you really want to change that just to have their approval? You might as well asking them EVERYTHING else that you need to change in order to get their approval, which means you might have to change alot. You see what I mean?
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry got a little to involved lol it's just my opinion, that's all it is
- Date posted
- 6y
@farhadi28 you’re so right. it’s all very hard because i love my family so much and they’re by far the biggest blessing in my life and if i were to ruin our relationship, it would crush me. i just wish that they could be more supportive of this kind of stuff. but then again even if they were, I probably would have HOCD. i tend to create these things in my mind and say “oh yea my HOCD would be A LOT better if _____”. but in reality, would it be that much better? probably not. for example, i while ago i thought, “my HOCD would be so much better if I had a boyfriend or have ever had a boyfriend because then i’d know for sure that i am able to be with a man”. but then i realized that even if i did have a boyfriend, it probably wouldn’t make my HOCD any better. i was just making up something in my head. but anyway, ur completely right. i don’t need their approval on everything i do, but it would hurt me so badly knowing that I would ruin the close knit relationship we have. it just wouldn’t be the same :/
- Date posted
- 6y
I know it's hard, I feel the same way about my family to. But I really believe they would warm back up to you after the initial shock wore off. For some of them it might even take a year or 2 but they would come around. That's the way a loving family is and should be. I hope everything works out for you.
- Date posted
- 6y
@sophiaa yes girl i wouldnt take it all too seriously. If u never felt the closer before than its a fake one right now and no need to “plan” ur coming out. Imagine coming out and ur family is all shocked just for u to come around in a year or two saying: lol it was a mindgame. Hahaha
- Date posted
- 6y
Well my friend, thats hocd. We cant stop it
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 19w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 17w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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