Scared

I just hate thinking that I don’t like my boyfriends voice. Does that mean I don’t live him? I don’t want to hate his voice or how he sounds I wanna like it… I used to say his voice was soothing and I was basically obsessed with it why can’t I be like that now :/ i hope this is my ocd and not me :/ sometimes I don’t like my boyfriends singing I find it cringe but because I feel like he doesn’t have the voice for it but I don’t wanna care :/ gosh I wanna love him for him and not care about how he sounds :/

Relationship OCD

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

You said you were "obsessed" with his voice. Did it ever came to you that you might have very high standards for yourself and your relationship. Might there be a core belief that says "I must be obsessed with my partner and his feature or else....I don't love them/I must break up". First maybe look at this belief and I assume there must be more..write them down and maybe find an alternative for them. For example "I must be obsessed with my partner" it could become "I can't always be obsessed with my partner's features. In fact sometimes I might even hate them. And thats okay". Then you move on to erp. You attached meaning to a thought. You think because you don't like your boyfriends singing voice it means something. That's typical OCD. Intrusive thoughts come and go..by starting rumination we give them power. So you have to stop rumination. Tell yourself "hey, OCD wants me to figure out if this means sth...maybe OCD is right, maybe I don't love him. but maybe not, maybe I do love him. I don't have to figure this out right now, since I'm not OCD. I will just go on with my day". You can also try to name your thought and then exaggerate it (that helps me in situations I don't like things about my partner). Instead of judging yourself for your thought you take it actively further kind of mocking OCD: "yes ocd, this is the most terrible voice I have ever heard. If I had a voice like that I would never sing ever again. That is terrible". And then move on, no what if rumination. Just try to accept this feeling or thought exists, let it be there without questioning it's meaning. Often times with Rocd we tend to take normal, human behaviour and turn it into sth that makes us look like monsters, Liars, cheaters....but in the end everyone has those thoughts. People without OCD just don't attach meaning to them.

anonocd

Date posted: 2y

You could trying mocking your OCD and then move on with your day. “Yeah, sure OCD, you figured it out! If I don’t like his voice then that means I don’t love him.” You don’t have to actually believe that, but you gotta call out OCD for what it is and doesn’t try to reason with it on its terms. Just like you can’t reason with a drunk person.

anonocd

Date posted: 2y

@anonocd Don’t* try

Mayte

Date posted: 2y

I don’t wanna tell him this thought because it will hurt him and he can’t change anything about it. Also I asked if he could send voice messages but because I wanna see how I’ll feel about it :/ I just I wanna love his voice I think I do do I? I don’t know :/

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

Asking him for voice messages to check how you feel are a ritual..stop them. Also telling him about it would be confession, which is also a ritual.

Lovely.Venus<3

Date posted: 2y

do you know when this started?

Mayte

Date posted: 2y

@Lovely.Venus<3 I can’t remember. I used to always say it was soothing and I loved his voice for years and out of nowhere this came.. hmm maybe it started in the middle of our relationship idk I never really ever disliked his voice or anything maybe just his singing a bit

Mayte

Date posted: 2y

I hate my head telling me I don’t like his voice I don’t want it to be true

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

I feel like I don’t love him sometimes 💔

I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔

Elliesmith

Date posted: 21w

I keep worrying that I don’t fancy my bf enough

Is this rocd??? I can’t stop worrying whether this is how I should feel in a relationship. For 5 years prior I never worried about this stuff. But now I’m just so anxious. I find myself looking at him checking to see if I find him attractive. And then when I look at him and dont feel anything I worry this means something … so overthinking I hate it .

Relationship OCD

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

i feel so strange

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

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